Mundane, me? You must be joking.

Oh my...

2008-08-24T21:34:00.001+01:00

Over a year without blogging huh...

Currently in Sweden visiting a friend, using his Swedish keyboard...no idea how some of these keyboard mappings work out.

Watching a movie.

Over a year huh...Oh my God.

F

So nearly there...

2007-08-13T22:47:00.000+01:00

...went to look at the flat today with Dad, who seemed to think quite positively on things. He likes the location - and thinks its quite nice, albeit small (or in marketing talk, cosy!)

The world around us here is crumbling apart. Stabbings, murders on motorways and teens kicking the shit out of normal people like you and I. What the fuck is going on around us? I swear to God there's just a total lack of respect.

I sat and watched possibly the most incredible 15 minutes of BBC 1. A program on people near to death - one guy had 4 heart attacks and still survived. They put a metal spring in his artery to ensure blockages don't occur again. It brought back home how fragile life is, and how a great number of people take it for granted (myself included)

Our time on this planet is very short-lived. I just don't want to begin regretting things. I need to get healthier and fitter, but it's my parents who need it more. I simply don't know what I'd do without them. I love them to pieces.

On the news at the moment is the letter of a 12yr old girl to her dying dad in hospital. She begs him to fight through his injuries - sustained in a violent attack from youths. What the fuck is going on?

Bring back the death penalty. Strike fear into the hearts of those who commit crime, and empty some of these fucking jails.

Turning a new leaf

2007-07-22T22:58:00.000+01:00

So I was browsing through a friend's Facebook a few days back, and I saw a picture of her. At first I got that awful feeling in my stomach, but it got better again. Surprisingly better. And now, we're definately moving in the right direction. Things seem to fit back into place in that weird head of mine, and the lack of focaus I had before is no longer there.

Time will tell how things progress I guess.

Hmmm, what else to report on? There is some movement on buying a flat now - I now technically have 3 jobs, all helping me get the mortgage of my dreams. Which in turns is helping me get the flat to help me contiue dreaming. I'd like never to need to seel this flat - as it could be a sort of second income, alongside my role (s) so we'll see.

MSc time. TfL have decided they wanted to sponsor me to continue my studies to get an MSc. This is to allow me to become chartered. The idea being I can then be a bigger asset to TfL.

The staff at Apple surprise me. They are from all sorts of backgrounds. And when I say all sorts, I mean it. Audiophiles, performers, PhD students and even a Russian with a craving to teach at university level. It all makes for some varied conversations in the Genius Room. You never quite know what your next conversation is going to be about - normally its homosexuality or cars or some hot chicks iPhoto album!

It makes the time fly by! Hmmmm iPhone.

As for girlies - Imperial girl isn't back from her visit to the Med. Will ask her out for a few drinks at some point. I dont have enough hours in the day, but I really like her, and I need to get some sort of an answer.

Will re-read 'The Game' cos I have turned into a worse AFC than before I met Caroline. I'm off to bed.

F

Still can't get her out of my mind

2007-06-24T21:21:00.000+01:00

For Fuck Sake.

I often convince myself that I'm driven to occupy my time - so that I have less time to think about her.

This is getting obsessive, and I simply don't like it. It's scary; when I do get a moment to myself - I look back. And the only thing that goes through that fucked up head of mine is the good side of the relationship.

What made me really uncomfortable was the fact that I shed tears in public last weekend about it all.

I mean what a fucking sap I've become.

People say you only know the true meaning of something - when its gone. Except what really fucks me up, is the fact that I pushed her away.

I've gone and done something I promised myself I wouldn't do; I promised myself I wouldn't do a 'Myles'.

Train woes

2007-06-11T21:20:00.000+01:00

I'm sat on the train. Figured that since I hadn't blogged in a while,
ill do it on the train. Sounds like I'm being extremely lazy, but
really my mind has been elsewhere.

The training at the new job has been deep and tiring. However its
obvious how thorough it is. The exam marks for the Certifications are
well over 80% across the board. Good trainer, good students too.

Life has been hectic.

But as the certain ex once said, 'Firas, you wouldn't like it any
other way' and you know what, she's right. She wasn't often wrong.

Yes I do still think about her.

I went on two dates with a girl I a met in St. Albans. Perhaps I'm
expecting too much, but I knew pretty soon after we met things weren't
going to happen. I'm not one to take advantage of the position I found
myself in. Perhaps Ben is right, perhaps will regret me wasting these
months walllowing over Caroline.

But.

I simply haven't met anyone who's made me feel that way. And without
that, I won't put the effort required to crack on with the
relationship.

Still, everything else in my life is spot on. Cannot otherwise
complain. Although I could do with some sun this october.

Live long, and don't die of skin cancer. 'If there's one bit of advice
I can give you, use sunscreen'

x

Greetings

2007-05-31T18:24:00.000+01:00

Wow - been a while. Been quite busy don't you know...

Training for the second job has been pretty intense - but good fun. Interesting to learn all the ins and outs of the platform. Altogether quite nice :)

Noticed a little trend - I'm speding a great deal more time with girls. This is quite odd for those that know me, cos I'm usually not one to entrust those without a cock.

What's quite scary about this trend - both the girls are only children - like Caroline. Guess ruling them out through that has ina way helped me. Either way - interesting to get a little more feminine aware - especially with my relationship track record.

um - what else. TfL has been slow today - but it's my last day tomorrow for the deptartment I'm in, so I actually expected it. Think I'll install my .Mac and get that going. Don't fear - my bloggling shall remain here!

One thing thats on my mind, is there realisation that since Caroline, I have in a way closed myself off, pushed myself away from the social scene that once ruled my life. I attribute this to the fact that I didnt get a single second to myslef whilst with Caroline, and perhaps have enjoyed my own company. So much so, that I don't miss it.

I am aware that I might be turning more geeky. Perhaps I tell a lie - in some ways I do miss it - but life is all about balance - smoething Caroline wouldn't get even if it walked up to her in £600 YSL shoes.

Thats right - not a typo. Six Hundred Pounds.

Still working on flatbuying on FTBI. I applied to the Herts. Scheme tha'd allow me to buy the Watford flat. Need to advertise on TfL notice board for a 1 bedroom vacancy in Watford - free travel, only 16mins from Euston. I think I'd get someone to move in with me. A nice couple would be amazing. Perhaps a young quiet grad.

Time will tell.

Much Love,

x

Hair

2007-05-20T23:19:00.000+01:00

Didnt get it cut afterall. Might let it get real long.

Looking forward to second job - though a friend has alerted me to the hard work it'll be. It'll be fun. I hope, at least I wont be on me feet all day. I want you all to come and support me!!

shoukd have played more Wii think weekend. Might fire it up in a sec. The extension is slowly coming together. I need to spend big money on furniture. perhapd £1k, but i hope it'll be less. Either way, my rooms will look the fucking dogs bollocks.

F

Righto

2007-05-18T22:56:00.000+01:00

So today started off with a pain really. Much of the same on this blog really. 2 women walked past on the platform wearing Caroline's scent.

Literally sent shivers down my spine.

Not one girl, but two. I mean FFS.

Right. Enough of that. You lot might be interested in other 'happenings' so here goes. Think its about time I cut my hair. My personation of Cousin It is no longer effective (I'm reliably told it never was) so I think it needs to go.

The housing side of things are hotting up, I need to get myself on the ladder somehow - looks like it'll have to be through the FTBI. So, there's a block of appartments going up in central Watford that is really quite perfect. But it is dear. £288k for a two bed, two bathroom flat. Ouch.

Anyway, seems like with my current financial situation I'm borderline. Still, the people there seem very helpful, and are giving me hnts left right and centre. You know, "does this nudge nudge, wink wink". I don't wanna put myself financially in the shit by doing it, but I am kinda assuming the second job remains a very long-term thing. It'll need to be to ensure I can afford all this shit.

I would accept leaving the place empty. If I can get one of my friends / colleagues to move in a pay me £500/month then I'd be sorted. Then I'd try and look at buy-to-let mortgages, and buy the remaining 50%. As soon as I do that, I would fully own the property and can do what the fuck I want with it. When the Government still own a %, my balls are in their hands.

I'm trying so hard to do the right thing for the future. I'm sending all the right signals (if you'd pardon the pun) at various groups within TfL. Assuming I get £30k when I fall off the grad scheme, i'll be ok. The second role will puch me into the higher tax bracket. :)

I don't see my career at TfL sky-rocketing, but I don't mind - as long as my pension is in place, and that second home is already in place before I move out/get married.

Thats the big plan. Is it all going to fit nicely? Will there be a housing market crash? Should I remain saving while the interest rates continue to climb? Well - these are questions I need to figure out. In the meantime, I'm doing this on my own. I can just about do it. Any donations to the 'Let Firas buy a flat' will be accepted by PayPal ;D

Mucho Love,

F

hhhmmm

2007-05-11T21:40:00.000+01:00

Hey all - yes the frequency of the blogging leaves a great deal to be desired - meh.

So last weekend I was cycling from Central London (Euston) to Cambridge. (yes I know, but it seemed like agood idea at the time) And through the physical pain, the sweat and the heavy breathing.....who was I thinking about?

You fucking guessed it.

Part of the reason for the extra Part-Time role was a slight change of scenery. TfL's girls weren't hot, and the ones that were, were all married or engaged, so definately a no-go. Perhaps the staff at the new place are hot and perhaps single?

TfL experience is still second to none, and leaves me itching to get into work, I expect the same of the new role too. I really cant wait.

ugh

I can get really uncomfortable at times - it fucking sucks. The only way to describe it - is the feeling of a heavier stomach. I haven't gone a day in the last 9 months without thinking about her.

I'm going to bed

Living life

2007-04-21T20:54:00.000+01:00

Well, the emotional rut continues. It seems everything is falling into place. TfL is going great, home life is great, and to top it off, a recent development meant I'll have a lot less time on my hands.

Everything is falling into place, except one thing. And you can guess what that is. Well - I'm trying dear blog, I really am. It seems anything can set my mind into that direction. From a her scent, a girl on the tube who looks a little like ehr, to seeing her mannerisms in people I watch.

It is crazy. I actually had to walk past her house this week on my way home from work. That was awkward. My stomach was all over the place, and some thoughts in my head were verging on the insane.

I do like other girls - its just I dont think Im there yet. Fuck, 8 months? Jesus I'm pathetic. Or I really still love her

Self Pity

2007-03-28T20:46:00.000+01:00

So to be honest. I can be a bit of a drama queen - even Caroline will tell you that.

Things aren't anywhere near as bad as I made out. Yeah there were some difficult moments in the recent past - but to be honest I think a few feelings tempararily resurfaced. But I know what needs to be done.

To move on.

Wish you all the best my Love, you deserve it

x

oh crap. Where should I start?

2007-03-25T21:25:00.000+01:00

So I just got back from Tunisia. First chance since August to turn off since perhaps before my exams at uni.

And thats perhaps where some of my issue (s) begin. Since Brunel, I've been a bit of a workaholic. Finished exams...the following week I went to get cash - did 45-50 hours/week. Thought I needed the cash.

There was literally a weekend between Selestia and Transport for London. Again, thought I needed the cash.

So back to Tunisia. My first relaxing get-away-from-the-stresses-and-turn-off holiday in maybe 2 or 3 years. Fuck did I need it.

Now down to what has really been bugging me.

Caroline.

Christmas was another opportunity to turn off. The second I did, Caroline and thoughts about our breakup came rushing in. Hence the downturn in my head over the 'Festive' period. I knew it'd happen. I tried to convince myself I was missing the relationship, missed the idea of having someone. Hating being alone.

But a friend keenly spotted it was Caroline I missed. Again I tried to convice him (and myself still) that it wasn't HER, just the idea of being with someone.

This time I was failing. Miserably.

She was convinced I would able to move on just like that. That I'd be the one seeing other people first. The ironic thing is 7 months later, I still find myself with tears in my eyes as I try to sleep.

The depressing thing is - I've since pulled one girl in November, but I have a gut feeling that I've cheated on Caroline. Not quite true I know, but it doesn't make the feeling any weaker.

My head is screwed. When I broke up with Caroline, I think perhaps I thought with my head, and not my heart. Finally I've taken note of the hints my heart has been dropping for 7 odd months.

The thought of her with another guy brings me to tears every time. Perhaps I've let the best thing in my life go through my fingers. I try to live without regrets, but I've a funny feeling this first big one is going to be of my own doing. Fuck. I often found it so hard to sleep while being away. As my head slowly 'turned off', the emotions filled my thoughts. Equally as upsetting as in August last year. It's getting harder and harder to remember why I did what I did. Its getting harder and harder to remember what we argued about. We argued a lot toward the end - I cant remember the subject of a single one. The only one I can remember was the straw that broke the camels back. And even that seems pettie now. Fuck, I'm an idiot.

The friend who told me months ago that I was still in love has provided some more help:

"you're a glutton for punishment"
"one sentence"
"not going to work"
"leave it"

Perhaps they're right. When I came back this evening and told Sayf about my thoughts, he came out with "heh, she's got a new boyfriend now"

And right there and then i felt my stomach had dropped a foot. I think its the rush of adrenaline or the blood leaving/entering the stomach that gives that feeling. Whatever it was, I proceeded to have a cry in the shower. Yup. Right now, old trusty Blog, there's a tear running down my nose and onto the clean glass table. I can feel it's going to be another tough night's sleep. Cathartic. She used that to describe the use of this blog in the past.

I can only imagine what Ben would say if he were reading this. He would slap me, call me gay, try and get me to drink again, and proceed to tell me I need to get laid with another woman. And he would say 'you dick'. And he'd be right.

Cos if by some miracle something odd happens and things are tried again between us - they'd never be the same. There'd be no/little trust, and I wouldnt blame her.

So you might be sat there thinking 'why the fuck did you break up with what could have been your best thing?' And my answer to that would be:

I felt claustraphobic in the relationship. I needed some air. I wasn't happy we agued so much. I had doubts about the relatonship, and in my head, when I had doubts....I still loved her, but I needed out, for the both of us.

She made me look her in the eye and tell her I didnt love her. I Lied. Because I thought I knew her. Because I thought if I had said anything else, I wouldn't have got the air I needed. Because I would never have had the space to think things through. 7 months on...I've had that chance and I know how I feel and what I want. My fears are that its waaaaay too late, the train has left the station, should by some miracle we DO get back together again, it wouldn't be the same.

While packing ten odd days ago I found one of her CD's. An opportunity to see/meet her? In Tunisia, I had thoughts of driving up to Loughborought and knocking on her door, giving her the CD and asking for 1 coffee to talk things through. The flight was delayed by and hour and a half and the news from Sayf quickly pulled that idea all to shreds. Oh fuck.

I did something quite odd. But I simply had to do it. I picked up the phone and called my original link to Caroline. I needed to know, if he was trwating her well, and that he was a good bloke. She had no idea and hadn't met him.

I need to do something in order to fix this mistake. This could well turn out to be my first big regret. But...

I've fucked things up Royally haven't I?

Welcome to the Caribbean, Luv

2007-02-11T09:50:00.000Z

Don't I look smashing?!

xxx

2007-02-08T09:22:00.001Z

Photos down

2007-01-15T19:17:00.000Z

As funny as they were, I have needed to take the photos from Saturday night offline. I hope to bring them back up in the future at some point.

Perhaps when I have a Macintosh running as a webserver :)

Might blog later on tonight!

F

:)

2007-01-14T09:30:00.000Z

Night Report 13/1/2007
````````````````````

So Chris B came up from London to have a night out in St. Albans. I was careful not to make such a fuss about about it - because when you do something like that, they always turn out to be pretty shit right?

How wrong was I?

Moods were high from the begginging. Its been since New Years Eve that Iv seen Chris. Our friendship is quite an odd one - mainly due to how it started really. However - the man is genuine amazing bloke. An individual I can happily make time for. Unlike some of those mentioned in a few of my recent blogs...

Got better from the moment he came really. The Bell was visited by many cute girls out there. As I parked the car in the car park, I told Chris how I planted different aftershaves on each wrist as a ice-breaker (read that in The Game). You lot know me. Very little confidence when it comes to women. But I figured 'What the hell, what have I got to loose'?

I soon used this in passing on some girls passing by. Worked a charm. We were exchanging names and life details seconds later. Didn't catch any IOI's so closed off and got me some drink.

Confidence was slowly building. The 'What the Hell' attitude is a dangerous one at times. It can motivate me to do some pretty 'unlike' Firas' things. Bumped into a great looking blonde and started talking about some idiot bloke breakdancing. She talked about how at songs like these (the 'Push it real good' song played) someone always breakdanced. badly. (reminded of rat-face Myles - told Ben who was in hysterics seconds after seeing this twat last night)
After that, we cross-introduced. 3 hours later I was being recorded kissing the Blonde. Got her number. As she went, I was sarging a half-chinese half english girl who looked very cute.

It's amazing how a little confidence can go a long way. I was quite depressed at Christmas, but seriously, that memory is such a blur today.

Good times.

I get Ben lecturing me about how I need to act younger all the time. Every now and then I listen to him. I dont think he's wrong, I just have a goal. I have a lot to be grateful for.

Peace

broken BT mouse

2007-01-07T13:56:00.000Z

mum dropped it and I have no idea how to get it put together again. no obvious way of doing it. no remnants of glue.

Steam

2007-01-01T15:58:00.000Z

First off, thanks for the comments. They were warming and it's nice to know I have support from places I'd never expected.

It's true, I was going through a bit of a tough time in that little head of mine, but I still stand by what I said. However, having spent a great deal of time on my own and thinking things through, perhaps at these times, I can be a bit more of a drama queen than I originally thought.

I have always hated the Christmas period. Perhaps hate is too strong a word. I have never enjoyed the Christmas period. Sure, there are some nice things about the 'Festive Season' but in all fairness, nobody's celebrating the guess birthdate of Christ - Christmas is simply an opportunity for the retail groups to make some cash before the end of the calendar year. I welcome those who 'properly' celebrate Christmas. I happily support and feel good about those religious enough to acknowledge the Christian values.

So much of society is washed with 'going with the flow'. People are too sheepish.

Anyway enough ranting, back to my situation earlier this week. I am a hard worker. I have an aim right now, and little else at the moment is receiving such focus. 2 Bedroom Flat in London. Simple as that. However, as much of a cliche as it is, I work hard, and play hard. I put the hours in, but need the time to let off the Steam accumulated.

I worked at the Merchant Bank again this week, pushing about 29 hours in 3 days. bear in mind, my TfL contract requires I work 35 in a week. As I said many times on my return, I hadn't worked so hard for over 4 months i.e. since my last stint at the bank.

So when Eid came this weekend, I was disheartened to find nothing was planned as a family on 'Our' celebration as Muslims. Perhaps rather dramatically, I had felt my family let me down as well as my friends this week. Hence the melodrama.

All work and no play makes Firas a miserable bastard. So Firas went to play. I drove to Guildford, and spent the day walking through the stores and watching people from Starbucks. I walked a long way, and visited some places pretty close to who I am. My old School, my old home and the areas I used to bike as a kid. Good times.

Went home to eat, but after a brief spat with Sayf, I decided I needed out. Firas went to play again.

I ended up walking nearly 10 miles in Central London. I used the excuse of setting my body clock for my night-shift at TfL as the reason for getting out of the house. I had barely eaten, but the need to be on my own was enough to skip the rest of dinner and drive to London. I walked along the Thames, and saw some of the preparation for New Years Eve. I was setup at Green Park the following night, so it was nice to get a glimpse of what they had planned for the celebrations on the Eye and near Big Ben.

Got home at half 3. Job well done. I had calmed down and got to grips with some things kicking up in my head. I had continued fighting the feeling of loneliness and the idea that had Caroline been there, I'd be in a far better position. A fault of hers was that she was always in your face, and never gave me room to be myself, but at least I knew I had someone to lean on, always.

Except it dawned on me, I missed someone, anyone, not just Caroline. I may have mentioned this before, but I missed the idea of having someone to hold. Naturally my thoughts directed towards Caroline, but to be fair, they're biased and need re-aligning.

Definitely the loneliest Christmas in memory.

Now, back to TfL. At this point, I really couldn't wait to get back into my normal routine. I missed the people at work, and the activities that defined my week. I had signed up for working New Years Eve as a Bus Guide/Operator. It worked at double pay plus £50. I was immediately hooked by the idea, and signed up for it with a colleague in a shot. New Year's Eve was such a farce. Like Christmas, each night is the same, except on this one night of the year, everyone descends to Trafalgar Square or the Thames. Big Night. Big Money. Lost of People.

Had a great time. Green Park is on the edge of Mayfair, lots of posh girls wearing gorgeous dresses smelling fabulous (quite a few wearing Caroline's scent, but that was ok). They were all kind, in great spirit and we were helping. I felt good about helping people get home. Oh, and the pay was great too. The colleagues (did my bit of networking) were good too, we shared a coach with the Met Police, who rarely mixed with us TfL lot. Bit of a shame really, but I guess they were forced to do this, whereas we all signed up voluntarily.

Got home at half 5 this morning, I woke up at 13:00 feeling like shit on a stick. But I've found a fry-up and coffee is great for that.

All in all, I'm back to normal self. Can't wait for work to start off again (although I have ironing to do) I'm nearing completion of 'The Game' by Neil Strauss. Pretty fucking good read. Can't put it down. Have a few ideas now that I've identified myself as an Obvious AFC. Being as hot as she is, Caroline must really have liked me, cos I look back at some of the thing's I did and think - 'how geeky and needy'!

Need to put Cat-String theory to the test. Give it a read very very interesting book :)

Thanks again guys,

F

Was Caroline right?

2006-12-28T21:00:00.000Z

So I feel kinda royally fucked off.

Perhaps she was right after all. I was often going to all the effort that others wouldn't go to. Trying my hardest to make the most of things. Taking the opportunity while its there. However, fuck all is received back and to be fair, it was Caroline who noticed this perhaps upto a year ago and pointed this out. How did I react?

I defended my 'friends'.

Well, tonight, I feel as if some light has been shone in my path. Light Caroline had tried to put my way.

For the purpose of the blog and perhaps my subconsciously, I feel weak, insecure, angry, trapped in a corner and without a shoulder to lean on.

I'm sorry

With my trusty XDA I'm...

2006-12-25T17:47:00.000Z

Online while taking at dump again!! Yes people, my boss at work decided Santa was to visit us early this year and DHL us grads an O2 XDA mini S. Talk about lazy. I wanted to see the fat cunt climb down the disused Power-Station chimney's at work.

So what have I done since receiving our little toy? well, iv boosted the wireles access aroung my home,iv sorted out the internet (now at 4.4Mb/s down and 600Kb/s up) with the mac running 24/7 (albeit Sayf's)

Seriously, I'm even writing this blog on it without any issues.

Sayf and I started watching Smallville in March. I am officially in Love with Christen Kreuk. She is amazing. More chinese and dutch people need to make babies!!

oh, and at times I wish I were Lionel Luther at work.

All in my funny little head. but its is proper cool. Work will soon get me a 1GB tick of memory for this thing,needs it cos the built in 64MB isn't enough.

So even though I'm Muslim, I've obviously been a good boy. Never have I thanked Coca Cola so much!

Peace, whoever you are xxx

Fuck me, Christmas in 15mins

2006-12-24T23:46:00.000Z

You know, life is running by me at such an amazing rate. I'm worried if I blink, I'll miss the next 10 years of my life. It feels like just yesterday I started with TfL, but its approaching 4months. Another big thing in my life this year was Caroline, although with that, little is brought up in my little head, perhaps a few minutes of the good times - then I'll remember I have something better to do than to dwell on a past that....hmmmm can't finish this sentance. Perhaps I'll have another go later.

So too is the end of 2006 coming at blistering pace. I did a great deal this year, looking back, I graduated, secured a great job and started looking for a place (and method) to buy. Whats different from last Christmas/New Years eve?

My confidence in the workplace is building again. 3Com was simply amazing in building a foundation. It really is the key to who I am at work. Colleagues around me notice the confidence, and one even said I'd be the one aiming for the top. I'd like to think that, but my aims are well focused on working from the ground up - earning the respect and sharing the confidence in my abilities. I can be cocky - but if I have every reason to be, why not? If I can back up my load-mouthed approach with results - who's going to care?

What are my aims for 2k7? As always, my friends and family take top priority. I want to be respected at work, and I would love to have bought a 2-bed flat somewhere in London, with a lodger helping me pay bills. However, I'd like to continue saving at the rate I'm currently doing so. Kudos to you Firas, well on track to getting that sizeable deposit :)

I find myself single again, but Caroline was an eye-opener to what I don't want. I'm in no rush to find my first True Love, I have things to do before all that. Miss right can wait until then, I might try have me some fun...

00:00 Christmas Day. Have a good one. I'll be decorating my new bedroom :)

Loads o' Love

typical geek me thinks!

2006-12-22T19:42:00.000Z

http://drawapig.desktopcreatures.com/gallery/large.asp?id=1318970&p=0&hof=1&q=personality+test

Oh my GOD, what fun!

2006-11-26T22:00:00.000Z

As promised, the pics from the Legend that was, 'That Weekend'.

The best weekend in.....ever

2006-11-19T20:47:00.000Z

Its Sunday evening, 20:40 as I start to type this.

I've just edited my CV to 'Retail it up' cos I'm thinking of applying for a job at Hugo Boss in Sloane Square over the Christmas Holidays. Work are 80% happy to give me a 3-week block on annual leave (they don't know I wanna do extra work though). I just need to clarify it with my new Placement Manager.

Back to the title of this Blog.

Emil (our Swedish/Kurdish/Iranian) chum came to London from his Swedish University to pay us a visit. A Leicester University reunion was called, and all hell broke loose on the e-mail chain, and I quote from Dan's e-mail:

"wow sounds like fun!"

That's what I said when I heard emil was coming back, and we were all going
to get together like we used to.

"Wow, Ben's a bitch!"

That's what I said when liverpool got massacred by arsenal, a bitch slapping
unprecendented in history.

"Wow, Ben's ACTUALLY a bitch!"

That's what I said when I read that email. How the mighty have fallen. She
had better get all kinds of naked, and she had better be ready for an
ABSOLUTE, COMPLETE, and UTTER HUMILIATION not seen since chamberlain said to
hitler, "alright, you can have half of europe...but u promise not to take
any more, right?". HUMILIATION not seen since emil revealed his
pathological love of brushing his teeth, HUMILIATION not seen since myles
caught me wanking to the voice of my ex, HUMILIATION not experienced since
amar wet sandra's bed."

I hope from that you get some kind of idea of the jokes that were thrown around this weekend. Sadly the humiliation promised towards Ben's "Frenchie" didn't amount to anything, she ignored Ben all week, leaving him in a sort-of messy/child-like state.

Yeah, Ben's a bitch.

Stories were thrown towards each other bringing back the ol' times. Stories including Ben shagging a girl in the disabled toilets at Brunel University, followed by being thrown out. Stories like Emil shitting in the middle of a street. Stories including Amar ripping the piss out of ASK waitresses. Stories invloving Myles getting STD's. Stories of Dan being caught having e-sex (or whatever the youngsters call it these days) Stories including me thinking Castration was chopping a guys dick off.

Good times.

Despite some of our failings - you guys have to be some of the best friends a bloke can have. Thank-you so much, RIP Hazel Avenue

I'll post pics when I get round to it.

My arm hurts

2006-11-16T22:33:00.000Z

Having played Badminton on Tuesday and Wednesday, I decided to spend 40 minutes in a squash court on my own.

That was a great idea until I paid somewhere in the region of £9 for 40mins.

Well, I played the 40minutes, a friendly bloke knocked on my court and offered me a game. I took his offer and we played. He beat me 3-0, but I got at least 5 points off him in each game. I'm making progress with both Badminton & Squash. Made the £9 better value for money.

Work is going well, went to install a new PROM for 22/101 this morning. Got absolutely pissed on. Lovely.

I'm trying to organise a second job to help pay for my life AND save £1k/4weeks. It's getting tough, but I'm really willing to keep it going until I get the pay-rise. That'll make my life a great deal easier. For now, I'm being a tight fisted Arab :)

Night all,

F

what do i miss from a relationship?

2006-11-06T22:40:00.000Z

Free massages. Seriously.

London Girls

2006-10-25T21:45:00.001+01:00

Girls are weird creatures.

One walks past, you look at her physically (thats kinda automatic, really) and you judge her. Normally I think 'Atkins would sort you out love' or 'a miracle and a plastic surgeon couldn't fix you pet' or 'Fuck me, you're stunning'.

See, various things on the girl can change one's opinion. Girls are smart creatures, gotta give them credit. They make do with what they got. They're like chameleons. A small thing like a pair of knee-high leather boots and a smart suit with a skirt is all it could take to get a bloke wanting her in his arms.

There's a lot of talk of people flirting on Public Transport - and from the 6 weeks of employment in London, I can see exactly what people are talking about. People can get away with eyeing each other up because they know chances are they wont see that person ever again!

Goo Goo Dolls - currently can't stop listening to them. I blame the concert in Manchester a few weeks ago. I had a very good time! Have since got a few of the CD's now - need to buy more!

I'll leave you with a thought...

If you are honest with yourself - at the end of a relationship, what was it you missed the most?

Oh, and one thing...

2006-10-21T22:35:00.001+01:00

erm, in case you lot don't know....

:)

today

2006-10-21T19:20:00.000+01:00

hey all.

Today, having had 5 hours of sleep, I decided to hire a van to bring a glass table from a friends house. Its a cool table, and will do a perfect job in the future. Having driven the 'Disco' for TfL, the LWB Transit was pretty similar, just a fun. White van man Firas on the M25 is a bad thing!

Over the last few months a thought has entered my mind, and has since routed and flourished. The idea of teaching English to those in the Occupied Terretories of Palestine. I dreamt one evening, of teaching a class of young Palestinian kids ENglish, in order to help them build a half decent life for themselves.

The dream turned sour, and i'm pretty sure i woke up crying in the middle of the night. No doubt, I'll have that dream again - but having spent 5 minutes online, (google is my friend) I've found 5 volunteer sites, providing food & accomodation for UK holding citizens to go over and teach.

The idea appeals to me.

A few questions are rasised from it, like security, but time will tell where this thought goes.

Love life

x

Driving a discovery in Central London for work is very fun

2006-10-13T07:23:00.000+01:00

Drove around (on my own) in a Land Rover Discovery all afternoon. So much fun. Stalled it about 5 times in the car park, that clutch was a fecking nightmare. However, much can be said about the ride height and the power of that deisel engine.

yum yum

Bienvenue a Bruxelles

2006-08-20T20:57:00.000+01:00

Salut!

I know its been rather a long time, around 15 months to be more precise, but I'm back, and back to this blogging thing.

I've just come back from a weekend in Brussels. Splendid. Very continental. Very European. I loved it. Sayf's birthday on Friday was amazing - loads of cool people slowly getting wasted. Good to see my brother in such a good mood. However, it did remind me that my 21st was over 2 years ago. It was an event that feels like as if it were yesterday.

Life is slowly sifting its way through my fingers, I feel I need to live it. Which is where Brussels came into play.

There were other reasons for originally taking the trip, however these became invalid since I booked the trip. I found myself needing new reasons to go. About 5 days before the journey, I felt I found them in needing to spend some quality time with myself.

And it felt great deciding what to do, where to go and what to eat all by myself. As selfish as it may be, I loved it. Not having to discuss anything with anyone for a plan. I decide. I do.

I did. And I loved it.

Photos will have to be uploaded in a few days time (had to use a disposable camera, as the digital Camera was left by yours truly at Sayf's place in Essex.)

The food, people, transport & accommodation were brilliant. The sights, the walking and 'Le tunnel' were a refreshing change from the 50 hours temping role I'm currently doing to pay Sayf back for the loan I took.

As this is my blog, I feel it important to outlay a few of my more longer-term objectives:

- Save money for a deposit on a Mortgage
- Save money for a deposit on a Mortgage
- Save money for a deposit on a Mortgage

that's it.

Apologies for being away for such a long time. But I'm back, and that's the most important thing.

Love you all

2006-01-19T21:47:00.000Z

tester

Sleep in thier arms....

2005-05-14T01:42:00.000+01:00

Hey,

Its just gone twenty to two - just waiting for a text from Caroline before I grab some sleep - she left about 10mins ago - and i wont go to sleep until she returns safely.

So - what have i been up to today? Nish made his way back from Leeds - having tried to sort stuff out with the girl he was seeing - sadly it wasnt gonna work out - and it was ugly. He came over and seemed nearly in tears. I tried my best to cheer up the poor bastard, but with my conditin it was hard to do anything he was really gonna appreciate or love me doing.

I spent all afternoon with him - and let him go off on his merry way. I offered to watch DVD's with him tonight - but we got bored after 10mins of watching a film on my Mac that we went for a drive instead.

Had dinner - Caroline soon came and we chilled and played about - listened to music and chilled basically - we caught up with one another, then did the same a little more physically. I liked. Damn i love being with her. Too much? Probably, but i like it. I like her a lot and enough to know Im going to put a great deal of effort into this relationship - however, i dont wanna seem too OTT. Its a fine balance that il have to strike.

Great girl. Thanks for the ice cream hun.

xxx

uugggh

2005-05-13T03:01:00.000+01:00

I'm tired - but cannot sleep. I'm hungry but canot eat. I'm pissed off - but have nobody to blame but myself (maybe Kate a little bit)

I had my Tonsils out on Tuesday afternoon. It was certainly an interesting experience.

First off there was the staff - most friendly - albeit a little slow (slower than me under sedation). Then there was the food - worse than one of my attempts at a sandwhich.

However - no matter what happened the facts remain. I now have to gaping holes either side of my throat - where food now collects. The whole tissue area is now white in colour - and is more painful than anything Ive known. See the thing is - when something aches - you normally take panadol - and grab a nap. Except with this u nap and sleep and spend 3days trying to get on with your life - and the pain is still there.

What a fcking pain in the arse eh?

I'm on something called Oramorph. Its a liquid based Morphine based prescription. Awfully strong stuff - but where I was left dazed for hours hving taken some of this magical solution - Im now left gagging for each dose. It seems its effects are shortening in time everyday. I know how this works - the body builds a rappor with the drug - requiring more to have the same effect.

I sometimes hate how i know stuff.

So my Girlfriend's ex is causing us grief. Not fun. God im tired. I cant do this tilll i can have more Morphine - can I? browsing for 2hours? shit.

yeah - keeping typing - the time'll fly F. Xbox 2 details out soon - that'll be nice. hmmmmsleeeeeep

xxxx

recap

2005-05-01T01:06:00.000+01:00

first off, this laptop is fucking briliant - i think the screen could be a little brighter - but bear in mind Im making a comparison with a screen that cost more than this whole laptop.

right - seemed like a lot of last weeks blog was about our Missy Caroline.

I cant see any reason why I shouldnt continu the trend - Sunday went brilliantly. It was clear thigs were very tense up there. She initially didnt want me anywhere near where she lived - to ensure we werent seen by her friends. Thankfully one of her friend s helped us go up to her place largely unseen.

we spoke - chilled. one of her friends made us dinner which we appreciated a great deal - meant we didnt hve to venture out. I am geting very tired - but il pull through this lack of sleep - i need to do it - it'll be for me when I try and look back though all this!

So i wanted to find out how she though about things progressing - i had thought shed need time (what with her breaking up with her ex 4 days previous) but it soon became clear she didnt want time - she thought she was happy and ready. I did said i wouldnt make a move - to give er more time and to think things through, she saud she didnt ned it and wanted to know what i was waiting for!

i didnt - and i stayed till about half 1 in ger room. i decided to go - and she was being awkward about me going - we met again in the car park to ensure we werent sen together.

Then it hapened. I swear i idnt mean it to. We were hugging and she slapped me and a joke. Then remarked 'you weren't expecting that'. i replied no and pecked her on the lips - expecting to say heh - u werent expecting that...eexcept it quickly turned into a full blooded kiss!

We joked about it and she started calling me a liar - for actually making a move - i swear i hadnt - but i guess it just turned into one - we spent another haf an hour kissing. i nearly ran out of petrol on the way back cos i left the car on while we were kissing.....i love life...you never know what it has in store for you - its a little like one of those roller-coasters in the dark - Space Mountain comes to mind.

the next few days were spent txting and calling. i saw her again last ngiht. she down for her mums birthday this coming wednesday - she back for the bank holiday weekend too. im not complaining - i love when shes down here - when i can see her and not have to drive an hour and a half to get to my bed. She hasnt text me back - il o that to make sure she got in safely....

met her tonight with Mike today too. we chilled and messed about - generally spending quality time with the people i care for. Cant ask for anything more.

Love life too much. Thank-you.

il see all of you at some point - some, sooner than others - but above all else people, you have to be able to take the piss out of yourselves....

Hey all from Leciester

2005-04-24T10:25:00.000+01:00

Back in one of my favourite places - Minging old Leciester.....but what makes it so cool to me is the people that live here. I love them to pieces. They have literally bonded with me over these last 2 and a half years building a friendship that I dont think i can do without.

Im mainly up here because it Amar's birthday. His 21st. Went out last night and met some people - just got on with it really, making sure Amar had a great time.

Later on today, il be making the short journey up to Loughborough. Not exactly sure what its going to be like up there. I need to sort myself out a little. With things being a little awkward up there for her, the last thing i wanna do is make things worse. So im not sure when il go, how long il stay and all the details. Kinda going without any expectations really.

Yesterday I drove about 350 miles. I initially went to Filton near Bristol to see the beautiful G-BOAF. That was about a 260 mile round trip, and drove about 90 miles getting here in town, and then another few miles playing Taxi.

I love the friends Ive made. They really mean everything to me. Wouldnt change this for the world.

F

6days

2005-04-20T15:03:00.000+01:00

So, I havent read my last post; thought I'd pick up from where I think i left off - i dotn have the time to read what i said; i care that much about what i type on here.....

So. I guess the '6Days' thing refers to Caroline. A great looking girl, with a personality that puts a smile on my face without effort. Having met up for Drinks on Wednesday night in Casa and Lloyds, we met up again on Thursday night - where i 'kidnapped' her and took her to Haagen-Dazs in Liecester Square.

I did say she was great company. We talked about a great number of things ranging from me not using my 'tool' to family morals and issues surrounding relationships and cheating.

Friday we met up in a pub near her house, and followed that by watching a DVD (Love Actually) which I thought was nice, but quite predictable....

Soon after that we chatted and got on with building some form of Bond. I am someone who doesn;t like to keep stuf inside. She knew i was interested - however, for those that dont know her, she has a boyfriend.

Cant remember if I went off on one on these blogs about infidelity - i think i did. But we didn't 'cheat' - if you use this term in the strictest of definitions. We didnt kiss, just occasionally hug.

What I found most appealing was the ability for us to spend great amounts of time with one another and for that time to simply fly by. We did loose track of time so many times during these 6days.

There have been a number of things we each have said and that have needed us to ponder our positions and i guess we each did a little soul searching for ourselves. Did i mention i really like this girl? On Friday night, she gave me a cryptic clue to what we were going to be doing on Tuesday night (last ngiht) she had bought tickets for 'Les Miserables' a theatrical production on the West End.

What an amazing experience. I loved every minute of it. The passion in the performer's eyes - the obvious mix of drama, beauitful music and a great storyline simply had me in shock. I really didnt know what to expect - however, I had a great night hun - thank-you xxx

What else have I been up to? Nothig but Caroline I guess. I get the odd hour or two of sleep, oh yeah - I work still, i occasionally eat, but thats been iffy recently too. hmmmm - yeah - Id guess Caroline has been the one thing in this messed up head of mine, and I love it. I appreciate this girl. She has morals, and shares my thoughts on some key issues. I have a great deal more in common with Caroline than I ever did the Roya or the vast majority of the girls id dealt with.

Soon after we got back to her place last ngiht, we stayed up and talked. We got more and more things out in the open. Things over this 6day period hadn't been 'touchy-feely' there wasnt the holding hands or the kissing. I like that - the position we found ourselves in meant that we were forced keep things at that pace. I liked it - beacuase things have gone waaay too deep waay too quickly in the past - Nicky is the main chain of thought here.

We stayed up till about half 5. The freaking sun started hiding the stars - the birds began thier daily ritual of singing, and i thought my HUGE lack of sleep couldn't continue. Half an hour later i was faced with my half asleep dad asking why I had bothered to come back at all - as i said to sayf, i thought it woulda been rude to say 'I didn't have a spare shirt' lol

meh - all part of life. Its a learing curve - I think im going to learn a lot about myself if things progress with this lass - however, i find with every minute i spend with this girl, i long to waant to know how she 'ticks', how her dicision making is done - i like her enough to put so much effort into things i do with her.

She's worth it.

Want to take things step by step should they progress at all - there can be no assuming anything - i just need to wait and see.....

Thanks all,

xxx

Testing Times

2005-04-12T23:37:00.000+01:00

Yes yes.

Bored at work,
counting down the days
need to book a holiday for the 28th May. Having great deal of trouble.
trying to rip friends again - not doing too well.

160GB on a network drive - sexy as fuck.
Turning more geeky by the minute./ Loving it. I'll need to do so if I wanna do Masters COurse.

Sent some time looking through the Imperial PostGraduate course Listing. £18k for an MSc in Finance. Getting me worried. I will have to pay attention hard at uni next year to get a half descent grade. Where am i gonna get that kinda money from? Sell my Virgin body on eBay.....what y'all think??!

LOL

Mac running sweetly as ever. Screen still a Beautiful thing to behold. Room a mess. Boss ill with Chest Infection. Collegues fucking me off. had day-dreams of loosing it infront of my boss. the one guy getting sacked is the one guy i like - he's the only one i get on with. very supportive. i like him - a simple man.

need food - diet going badly. need gym. At least Audrey Hepburn is back on my wall again. Still havent got my fonebook on my new phone. Wow. not enough hours in the day. Did i mention i need that holiday?

F

xxx

Mon Ami

2005-04-07T19:46:00.000+01:00

An episode of 'The Simpsons' put it great - the preparation for a night out is the best part. More often than not, the actualy night is a let-down.

I have myself all worked up. First time seeing Roya in a while, I'd really love to talk to Nicky (girl Z if i recall correctly) and there's the issue of Caroline from last week.

Busy busy busy. A collegue - no - a friend left 3Com today. I was left feeling pretty sorry for myself. I tried to hide it by joking abou tthe Laptop he leaves me - but really, I'm going to miss you a great deal. Who am I going to share the gossip with? Nobody else of the floor would appreciate it like you and I do. All the best, I hope we keep in contact.

Bit of a worry facing work without this gu - he's helped me a great deal - I can only hope to either work with him in the future or work with someone half as good. Would have loved you as a boss.

Now - room is a mess. Facing a few important decisions soon - I have about 2weeks in a bed recovering from my tonsilectomy from the start of May - Id love to make full use of it. I think I'd like to read for the first time in about 10months, possibly learn some HTTP or HTML. I also wanna use this Macintosh to its full. Games. :)

should be leaving for Snorbs soon - but not before I write a few more lines........

Forcing myself to save these days. I need to put money to one side. I still dont have my phone book on my new V3. Bit of an arse. Been buying stuff online - books, Hard Disks and CD's. What else has been happening in my life - not a lot. It is a good life. For that I am gracious to God.

Firas

xxx

Awfully Sensetive

2005-04-04T13:18:00.000+01:00

All,

The frequency at which I Blog isn't as high as I wish it to be. Need to work on it. Thats why im blogging now @lunch.

Last Thursday, I attended the Funeral of a friends mother. It was a Catholic Requiem Mass. First one I'd been to. I was glad to be there to pay my respects. It certainly gave me further insight into the Catholic Church and its beliefs.

As a Muslim - I dont find it hard to attend nor understand a few of thier 'ways'

I was deeply saddened when I heard about Pope John Paul II passing away. I got worse once I had read that a number of other Religious groups held him with such high respect. Watching a spell on the BBC & Sky News leaves me in tears. Can't honestly understand why. The more I hear about this fella - a human like me - the more I repsect and value his time with us.

A firm believer in peace - despite religious beliefs. One many should look up to.

Rest in Peace.

more smoke, fire lit

2005-03-25T01:42:00.000Z

Where's theres smoke - there's fire.....isn't that the saying?

Well, Roya was smoking loads 2nite, really pissed me off. I knew she smoked before we started going out, however I've never been out with anyone that smokes, and i thought id be able to handle it a great deal better -i just got back coughing my lungs out, and im pretty much loosing my voice!!

Not good. An issue we think - the 'box' wasn't ticked in this case. :)

To make matters a great deal worse - a great looking blonde - who I met briefly once came over to St. Albans tonight with the intention of pulling me. I really like this girl - she ticks ALOT of the boxes, mainly the ones Roya doesn't, so it was very very hard not taking the plunge and crossing the line. However i hate the idea of cheating on anyone, and with it literally being served 'on a plate' (really couldnt have had an easier pull) i managed to turn her down.

Heaven forbid - she goes to uni in Loughborough, and I told her of my issues with the Twats at 3Com. She said she was nice, and I happened to believe her - I blame the testosterone in my body for that one - gladly, it didnt take contorl of my decision making!

wow. great gal. Hope i meet her again someday - hopefully when I haven't just asked out a girl!!

need sleep, then a descent fry-up tomorrow. hmhmmmm.

Love ya loads,

F

My Condolences...

2005-03-21T23:07:00.000Z

A very brave young woman has lost her Mother in the battle against Cancer. Smart people know the dangers - and yet continue to light up. I'm not sure how related smoking is in this case - however its clear smoking is linked to Cancer.

Why light up?

Astounds me. To the point where I'm gonna call it a night.

My sincere apologies babe.

Firas

Note:Blog

2005-03-14T20:07:00.000Z

tired as Fcuk.
Director of group likely to come in tomorrow from states - need to get in extra early
Things with one of the said Girls kicking off again, quite nicely too
staff @work being twats
haha - just got off phone to Sayf, he worrying about accomodation next Academic year. Told him was a twat for not staying at home like I - and reapin the rewards!!

Must continue with note form blog, letters on keyboard all looking tha same....

Mike has free house all week, smoking sheesha, chilling with guys, Sayf missed out
Looking forward to Pompey this Friday night
got new phone - absolutely rocks, wish i knew how to use the bastard
Apple Mac still sweet as FCUK - learning new sh!t on it every day
HDD needs packing
Hugo Boss shoes need polishing
need sleep
converting Friends Season 1 to XviD. Class.

need sleep badly. if im bored, il blog tomorrow.

Laters

Seriously Chilling....

2005-03-02T23:18:00.000Z

A malignant growth or tumor caused by abnormal and uncontrolled cell division; it may spread to other parts of the body through the lymphatic system or the blood stream.

When 'googled' this is what came up after asking it to define: Cancer.

Why am I writing about it? One of my friends has a close family member who recieved terrible news. Doctors have decided against any form of treatment for this patient - and have decided to 'let nature take its course'.

How did I feel having read it on MSN? Numb. Dazed and confused. Seconds later - cried. First time since before Christmas. How to support this Friend faced with this prospect? I honestly have no idea. I'm working hard to keep this friend smiling - keeping their mind off things. But I fear I'm not all that good.

However - when I think about things - where are the close friends? I hardly define myself as a best friend to this person. Barely known them. This doesn't mean I care any less. I will be there for them. No matter what. I wanted to drive a distance to see them this coming weekend. My issue is this person's friends have't got back in contact with them. Sickening - I think how having been told this awful news that people dont call and make themselves 'there' for you.

This is my first instinct. Being there. Not much trouble picking up the phone and just talking. Letting your voice be heard. Allowing the third party to know there's someone to lean on should they need support in what I think are very very tough times.

I hapen to think this person is dealing with the news very very well. Far better than I would ever be able to do in that position. How would I recieve the news? I would break down. Need every friend out there to be there for me. I would depend on everyone and everything around me. Greeting that kind of news is not something I imagine I can ever take lightly. I guess some people deal with things differently eh?

It's mother's day this Sunday. I need to get my mum something special. She really deserves it - I'm a huge burden on her. Sayf and I need to make sure we treasure and value each minute we have with our family - God only knows when they won't be there to wake us up in the morning when we oversleep or drive us to work, the list goes on.

I really am here for anything you need - please just call.

xxx

remind me to blog my birthday

2005-02-24T00:33:00.000Z

so

to explain for one unlucky reader - i am going to sleep with girl C (from work) not litereally sleep with her - just sleep with her. you know. i had the choice of that or sleeping on the floor in the same room, and she said she didnt have aporb with it in fornt of all my mates - so i said the same thing, and have regretted it ever since. u see we're going to Manchester this weekend, and accomodation is free - as long as i slept with her!

Could be worse, unless she starts to snore!! i did warn her - i have been known to on the odd very tired occasion!!

Work going very well, quite pleased with the outcome of today's Concultation announcement. means im not seriously affected until April the 1st! Still wanna go strip club next Friday though - what a laugh that'll be!!

jesus i get myself in a bit of a pickle sometimes!!

now. im tired and feeling particulary lazy but needed to get that out for the unlucky reader who already got a bit of a snippet earlier on 2day!

Will blog later on 2moz if i get the time - should met up with a best mate to chill and catch up - love him to pieces - he's there when i need him.

Oh and remind me to talk to u guys about girl E i think. things kicked off big style!

oh god

Dilly-Dallying about

2005-02-17T16:44:00.000Z

Today at work. Did pretty much F all.

Do I like it at tme moment? No. I feel my time is kinda wasted. Especially when I know that Graduate Positions are so popular. I need to get good experience and a great variety of skills under my belt.

In a way - I guess I'm spoilt. I have expensive taste. I dont think I fully know the value of money. To some extent my parents have a protective cloud around me. I appreciate that and love it. But there needs to be a line drawn.

Therefore I need to start my career ASAP. I need money to buy a flat and settle down. I want to earn 6figures fast. Dad did it in about 4years of graduating Dentistry. I guess I'll need a lot of luck (and put all my skills to the test) if i hope to do it before I read 35.

I am career orientated. I have high aims and wish for nothing more than a 'comfortable' life.

My Birthday and my expectations for tonight:

We'll be in town from about 8-ish. Casa. Vintry and Lloyds. Depending on Lloyds, we'll go to Batch. Gala night, so we're expecting to pay extra. Open invitation to all who know about it. Can't wait. Told Mike and Sayf to wear suits wihtout Ties. Samrt Formal Casual. I hope we pull it off. Taking Nibs and my work Colloeague to Watford to buy a suit, and for him to buy some shoes. Should be an eventful night.

A reader made on strong and valid point. I'm not going to find the girl I want in Batch or St. Albans. I need to be looking elsewhere. I am too good for these girls. Despite you lot going in an uproar about it - its fact. I want what moost girls cannot give me. They say Girls mature quicker than guys - fair enough, but they dont mature in the way I want them to.

This 'Girl Power' is going over the top. I'll expand on that sometime in the future - as long as someone reminds me. I need to start walking to work, but the weather here needs to improve for that to start. I need to go to the gym.

Mum decorated my room today for my brithday. It looked great. Thanks Mum. I love her a great deal. Mucho respect to my Family. I love them to pieces.

Adios all.

Laterz.

F

not nice

2005-02-15T23:32:00.000Z

I'm not a fan of Christmas

I'm not a fan of Easter

I'm not a fan of Valentine's day.

Sadly I have quite a cynical view of these things. These are simply money-making opportunities. Guys use them to impress the girlies. Girlies get material objects from them. Im not against the background to these times - just the fact that its forced upon you to BUY smething. If you dont (especially in Christmas) you'd look like a fool unless you had a good reason like Religion. Celebrate these times with the ones you love. Dont spend an awful lot on them.

Prime example. A friend spent £95 on dinner in London/ I mean what the fuck. £45 a head? jesus fucking christ. were they eating with Prince Charles? Jesus. (Many congrats to him BTW)

As for Valentine's day. First time in 3years I haven't had anyone to give anything to. Just goes to show how badly im doing at this point. I get offered sex - but it isn't what I want. Guys would love to be in position. People say im going to regret the decisions Iv made in the past. I happen to think not. Want to find someone I deeply care about.

I want to just sit in a chair or bed, and lay my head on a girls chest to hear her heartbeat. To feel the warmth off her. To touch her. To make her smile. Sex aint what im after.

So thats what I miss. What I long for. When I get it - I hope never to take it for granted. Until that day, il keep looking eh? My Birthday on Thursday. Not too much motivation for it all.

Sudenly feeling quite cold and left in the open.

Need a holiday. Work is a little slow and tiresome. Its actually quite de-motivating. At 15:00 i seem to hit a brick wall and have to drag it to 17:00. HItting the protien and salads - reducing Carb input. Hit the gym 3times in 5days. I'm quite impressed. Need more of a six-pack and some biceps. Need to see doctor to sort out spots on my back.

Did I say I needed a holiday?
When is the next student loan cheque due?
Think I wanna go through a round of saving quite a bit now.
Car needs a clean inside and out this weeked - hope the weather holds.
Need to sort out room - bit messy. Need to hang up the Pictures I bought. Might order a new desk from Ikea.
Im quite happy I started this blog. I hope it will remind me that I didnt just 'work' through this year.

One of my collegues is leaving soon. Its awfully sad. I can't imagine what it would be like without him. Probably very quiet. Really dont want him to go. He adds balance to the atmosphere. He's been a pillar of support that my manager can only dream of being IF he wasn't as lazy as he is. Jesus.

Need to find that fucking Office 2K3 disc.

Sayf will be coming back on Thurs for my Birthday. Should be good. It'd be good to have him back. I love how he comes back as often as he does. Id miss him a great deal otherwise. Makes things a great deal better. I still miss him. To this day, I cannot understand the current 18-19 year old thoughts of:

'Can't wait to leave home into uni - I just wanna get out of my parents house'

Fucking idiots. 'I wanna live just far away from my parents, like 4 hours drive'. Jesus fucking Christ. These are the people who brought you up for 18years. This is the love you show them? Fuck that.

I need a girl.

Going to meet me a Genius

2005-02-11T23:23:00.000Z

Hey hey....

went to meet Emil in Regents Street at 19:00 today. His Power Book's Superdrive is failing and needs replacement - i suggested that we kill two birds with one stone and check out the store as well as get a second verdict on that drive.

All good fun. I never want to catch another bus....

On the way back (waited 40mins for the fucker) and had a £2 coin - the 'buy your ticket before your journey' machine dont give change - gay, so i waited till the bus came. Emil got on with his pre bought ticket and i asked for a ticket with my coin. bus driver pointed to the machine and drove off as i was buying my ticket. Cunt. As the bus drove away (im in disbelief at this point) i looked at Emils face - one of sheer shock!

Gonna come back to you later - have great nights people!

F

simpleness

2005-02-07T22:38:00.000Z

Things are good.

Little is troubling me. I get I'm quite ignorant to others & their problems.

Sure I've have some of my own - and things can be better, but I cannot go forcing them to get better - its not going to improve things.

Girls
Work
chilling

Things are good in each of these - but they can be better. I'm not going out to my way to force them get better - I'm quite contempt with letting things take their route - make changes if required. Of course you guys are likely to be the first to know. Things at home are great too. Mum is kept happy by me clean room, Dad is kept happy with things as they are, not breaking the rules, and not asking him about the majority of his decision making.

Fair enough, its his castle - I'm in no position to question it.

Again - watching Ally MacBeal makes me wanna wear a suit to work - I love looking smart and proffessional. It looks nice! Might ask my physio out tomorrow - hope she wont be pissed at me for cancelling the appointment last week for the IEE meeting!

Thinking about getting a bit healthier and walking to work. It would mean buying a good raincoat and some comfy trainers or shoes. I hope it will improve my fitness. It will also give me time to think - and proper time to use my iPod. maybe walking for 2hours a day could help? MIght need a shower before getting in though!

We'll wait until the sun sets earlier.

Need sleep - good night all.

xxx

All the material things

2005-02-07T19:55:00.000Z

Those who know me best know that I love my gadgets. But those very ones know Im a big fan of going out and doing things just like that - spare of the moment kinda thing....

Tomorrow 'The Four' are going to get tother while Sayf's at Essex. It'll be the first time. So - we'll see how that one goes. We'll start at about half seven and drive for over and hour. Should be a laugh - eh? It'll be the first time us four get together since before Nish's birthday....so we're kinda doing that now.

That reminds me - I still have Nish's birthday stuff in the boot of my car! Never mind.

This tool rocks. OS X rocks. Use it. Its there.

F

Officially 'Mac'd' up! :)

2005-02-06T10:42:00.000Z

I am typing this blog on my very own Power Mac Dual 2.0 GHz G5. 64-bit Supercomputer in my bedroom. Wow. :)

The thing just works! It is my first mac - was quite cautious about doing something untoward like pressing something I shouldn't have done. One of the strangest things is the fact that you dont close windows on the top-right of each screen - its the top left!

The screen is HUGE. Its obvious why they call it the 'Cinema' screen. Really people, it is a sight to behold!

I got my very own Linux / unix Guru to go over it. He was impressed. It even ran and endless 'bash bomb' wihout crashing. X worked in the foreground flawlessly! :)

Went out last night to St. Albans and Batch last ngiht. It had been pointed out that I hadn't been out in 'Snorbs' on a Saturday in AGES. We're talking like maybe 8-9 months. I now know why. Its crap.

Expensive. nasty crowd of people. the 'Disco' room stank. uugghhh.

Right - I'm gonna call it quits for now. There must be something better I can do on this thing!

F

Win some, you loose some

2005-01-31T22:24:00.000Z

Ok - here goes.

Having re-arranged our first date a number of times now, GirlF or G has cancelled the whole thing. Haven't even seen her in over 3weeks! What was my reaction to this? A little dissappointed.

But in fairness - I'm used to my fair share of rejection. Its something we all have to deal with. The fear of rejection when with a girl - that fear becoming true when there was that critical hesitance in Cambridge.

Truth is - I really really feel in the last 6-9 months I've 'developed' a great deal. She wasn't the only girl I'm interested in - heh, tomorrow I plan on asking my physiotherapist out on a date! But this is what life is all about. As mentioned before; its the ups and downs that make life interesting. And its how we deal with them that set us apart.

Continuing with Ally McBeal. Some interesting things are coming out of it. I'm learning quite a lot from there too. Do people believe in Love's that 'were meant to be'? I might have to sleep on that one. Not too sure myself.

Noticed something here. I dont often talk about my friends on this blog. I talk about Sayf. But not so much my friends. They mean a great deal to me. But it was just something that popped into my head. Might address that at some point.

A quote for you:

"If you don't kiss her on the first date - you're a gentleman. If you don't kiss her on the second date - you're gay."

I like that. Thats one I'll stick by.

Not a good blog. I often dont edit them - it keeps it more 'real'

Night folks.

xxx

Merde

2005-01-30T23:19:00.000Z

just wrote a classic blog. I lost it.

SHIT

Can't be arsed - im off to bed

Morals.
Marriage.
Sex before the above.
Fear of God and of my future wife not being the only person I've made love to.
Parents with the only right to ask me to change.

Good night all.

F

what I did

2005-01-30T16:57:00.000Z

Howdy ppl.

What have I done this weekend? Quite a bit actually. Early Saturday my family went to the Wembley Conference hall to vote for the Iraqi elections. Sweet. Quite strange voting for two national elections in the space of 4years! :)

Now, what did I do. Today I did what would sum me up quite nicely. I went shopping in Watford on my Own. Went mainly to buy Black & White pictures to hang on my empty white walls. Knew exactly the place I wanted and indeed purchased two 40cmx40cm prints of 'The Rat-Pack' and a Classic picture of Audrey Hepburn. Jesus - she was absolutely stunning. Perfect example of Woman. If you're not sure who I'm talking about - she easily blows away the sex-driven women of today.

Had to wait for my selected pictures to be framed - so I went and sat in Starbucks in the Harlequin Centre. On my own again. Notice how happy and able I am at being able to sit in my own company for a while. Its something I'm quite proud of. Watching people of all kinds walk by - reading them in their everyday lives.

Today was the day that Iraq democratically voted a new Government. Amazing. My Dad said that over 75% of people there turned out despite the threats of suicide bombers in the streets of Baghdad. Would you have done? Seriously think about it.

Thank-you America. As an Iraqi, I cannot emphasise enough the tremendous loss the Families in the USA are feeling for the death of their Loved-ones.

God bless you.

They haven't done everything right - I hope that things soon sort themselves out. Even though the USA may want the oil and/or the contracts to rebuild Iraq, let them take it. As long as we can have our freedom - our vote.

To imagine the people walking past Starbucks dont often think about voting, and seriously take it for granted. The freedom they enjoy - all a result of even further losses in the Second World War.

Wow - deep Blog people, sorry. Needs to be said. People have a distinct lack of appreciation for History. I hated History at School - but today in Iraq - we're making it.

F

Waiting, waiting...

2005-01-28T19:49:00.000Z

So last night was a flop. The soberness kicked in big style and i felt really out of place.

The music was Cheese. Except - its realy bad, cos its Old Cheese like Whitney Housten. So we'll see. Might have to start going on other nights! Need my hair cut. Sayf'll be coming back later on tonight, look forward to seeing him - he is missed.

Getting very tired. Might take a nap (winnie the poo) so when Sayf gets here i can chill.

I'll try blog later.

F

The use of Conflict for Entertainment

2005-01-26T19:09:00.000Z

Hey,

People are quite happy to 'be nice' to everyone. Me? No.

If there's something about someone, which irritates me - I'll let them know. I apparently pissed off the cleaning woman for our Offices. Sod's law - made eye contact with her 3times today! People say 'What goes around, comes around' its pretty much true. To the point where it may have screwed up my chances with a girl who works after we leave.....meh - shit happens, plenty more fish in the sea! :)

Now back to the idea of Conflict. I think people are too easily made to 'make peace' with one another. I think that conflict sharpens up the personality - makes you think about the people who talk about you - who easily mislead the facts in their favour. So, I have another 6months of possible conflict with this here cleaner - could get worse (not of my own doing) but I'm willing not to sort it out to see where it goes.....to see what people do with their time - to see how unproffessional people can get.

I use conflict to spice things up. To make things interesting. I dont often make 'aquaintances' or however you spell it. Its just a waste of time, unless you wanna make yourself known - to get a girl. Sadly this kicked off before I knew a good loooking cleaner started - had I known I may have made more of an effort. But Im a stubborn bastard so her loss...... :)

Bet that stokes the fire to the person who thinks im a male biggot! :P

Now. Looking forward to thurs night. 2girls on the horizon. Not yet mentioning thier names - too early, but was again thinking about the 'Marriage material' girl today. we'll see. It does need kicking off really.

Would like to take this opportunity to thank Chris from work for letting me borrow Ally MacBeal. It is class. Great fun. Good programme. Needs to be watched, have 5seasons available.

Emil, where you at? Aint read a blog from you in a while!!

Hope to see you all sooner rather than later,

Firas

Things

2005-01-25T02:04:00.000Z

2 of them.

Firstly - a reader kindly pointed out that its been over a week since mylast blog. Many thanks and apologies @the same time.

Secondly - a reader was unamused by my thoughts about women. (can you guess what sex?!)

It's 2AM, I've just got back from a night out in Watford and so I need sleep. Will blog soon. Promise.

F

xxx

As promised...

2005-01-15T13:23:00.000Z

Hey all

First and foremost, Apologies are given for my lack of blogging for the last couple of days...its been a hectic week!

Now, where to start.....Last blog's title;

Over the Christmas period we swapped ISP's to a group calling themselves 'SupaNet'. This group is in fact anything but 'Super'. Really, having downloaded a 600MB file, it should be called SluggishNet. Thing is, they are seriously over-subscribed. So what they do is to put 'heavy users' onto a congested part of thier network wreaking havok on these people's downloads.

Thier policy is this; if you are a heavy downloader, you're using Kazaa or Bit Torrent, so your breaking the law and we're gonna F-up your internet connection for a day. This is infact about 60% true. But you all know me....I cannot stand being part of a majority, and its true in this case too. Having downloaded FreeBSD (4 CD's worth) our net connection went. It soon became slower than a 56k dial-up service. AND I WASN'T BREAKING THE LAW BY USING KAZAA!!!

Dicks. Moral of the story, dont go for something thats too good to be true, it normally is. Uncapped 1Mb broadband at £23.97 is too good to be true!!

Now, moving on. Let me find out what I blogged last...

Ok, Ikea door, Job losses and pissed off with car mirror.

Right well, 2 of these were fixed - the third only temporarily last night.

Sayf found the broken mirror on the road (incidently where one of the other 3Com interns had a head-on collision) Having asked him to purchase another for me from Nissan, I fixed it and we're done!

The Ikea door was sorted by purchasing a knob big enough to fill the hole (I know what you're thinking you dirty bastards) so we're ok there. Room still ain't finished just yet, need a rug and a new desk and an Apple PowerMac G5, but hopefully that'll be on its way shortly.(yippeeee!)

As for temporarily fixing the job losses - I lie. We had a 3Com New Years party at the Hilton in Watford. (hmmmm Paris Hilton!) It was very very good fun. Those close to me know I love ANY excuse to get dresed up. This occasion was no exception.

Girl C (i think) had dropped so many hints on me asking her to accompany me - but I had other ideas. I'm not currently 'involved' with anyone at the moment - there is this one girl who makes my stomach feel funny when I think about her, but things are very complicated. Thats a whole blog's worth of typing. Someone remind me to go into that sometime. Anyway, I digress...

The first person I thought of asking was a collegue of mine from The Vintry. She introduced me to one of my ex's and has been a very close friend since starting work with her over a year and a half ago.

Having left it to the last minute to find a date - I was very relieved to get a positive reply from the first person I asked :) PHEW! So, i borrowed a Tux from Nish (who's birthday it is today! :) ) and off I went to the middle of nowhere to pick her up. (She lives near Hatfield)

She looked stunnning. Fair play to the girl - never seen her like that before. Amazing. I really appreciated the effort she put into last night. The other Interns were very impressed. They thought she was a great looking girl - with a matching personality. Which is 100% true.

Thank-you Helen.

We were wined and dined and danced the night away. The people on our table were most interesting. Alan and his girlfriend Marion were slendid company. Alan knows how to have a good time. Marion is a very strong woman and ensures Alan is kept on the straight and Narrow!

The interns got very drunk on 3Com's account. I got naturally merry myself - and danced the night away with Chris; probably more often than I should have done! More should have made tried harder to come - it was a very good night.

In closing, things are looking up. I hope the atmosphere at work picks up. Staff working at this company for 10years are facing redundancy. Its all awfully sad.

Last night's event was all in aid of the Macmillian Cancer Group. A very worthy cause. Carrying a mobile phone on either side of my balls is very worrying. I will do something about this. I'll leave you with this question.....

Where can one freeze his sperm?

"Thanks for watching, it's Goodnight from me" change of character "and a Goodnight from him"

xxx

Dont shift to SupaNet

2005-01-06T23:05:00.000Z

Hey guys,

Think this has to be the unluckiest few days of my life - they've certainly been some of the most uncomfortable.

First - work. Further news of job losses. Felt helpless. Distress. Not for my position, but for those around me. For over 5 months these guys have taken me on and taught me a great deal. They are fantastic people and do not deserve this. My main problem is the fact that I don't want to be shifted to do something I didn't up for.

Quite unhappy about it all. The dream position at my age and career level vanished in weeks - if not days.

On a further note of my run of bad luck - on my way to replace the chipped mirrored door - I hit something on a single track road and lost my side mirror. £12 =VAT replacement.

After all that today - the last thing I needed was for my bedroom project to take another hit. Well it did. On the installation of the handles the veneer came off the door as I was drilling a hole for the handle. F*%@ked off does not come close to how I feel at the moment. Got dad on the case - anyone got £40 for the replacement? I'll start a "Firas's door" fund - as well as paying money to Tsunami victims - pay me as a victim of bad luck and my Ikea door. Think I'll finally move into my bedroom this weekend. Bring it on baby.

One uses this tool to attempt to overcome the difficulties in life. I think it works. Strongly recommend it.

I want that Aluminium Apple gear now to cheer me up. Boy will this blog get interesting when I get it!

F

p.s. i promise to expand on tonight's title tomorrow...waaaay too tired tonight.

Work woes

2005-01-06T01:31:00.000Z

Must be one of the worst days at work today.

Because the sales of my company in some areas are flat, they're reducing the workforce. Not good. Felt very awkward.

As I said to one of my collogues - whom I get on with extremely well at work - I'm not someone who likes change once settled in and happy. Especially when the decision is being made for me.

To think these people have mortgages and other commitments to worry about - redundancy is not what they're after. But at the end of the day the shareholders need to be kept happy. Sad.

Not sure whether my job is secure - holding out on the PowerMac on this GodAwful news, incase i dont get the 8grand im expecting to recieve before I leave. Sh!t.

On a lighter note, on my way to finishing off the bedroom - have slept in tthe spare room for the past 6days because my room was in the process of being re-decorated. New Ikea wardrobes working a charm. Might take back one of the mirrored doors though - there's a chip and i want it to be perfect. I'll find an excuse to go back to Ikea within the next few days. They also close at 22:00. very handy.

One reader mailed about my previous comment on the BBC. Thanks - good to know someone out there is reading!

The BBC is an organistaion which to me is like charity. (I dont care if it aint - to me it is) They get given money from homeowners to provide material to entertain and inform us. In all honesty the BBC news is worth the £200 a year or so. How much do people spend on newspapers every year? WHy bother? As your having breakkie - have it read to you by Natasha Kaplinsky (or whatever her name is - the fit one)

hmmmmm Natasha

I digress. Any self respecting web-browser frequently checks http://www.bbc.co.uk at least twice everyday. Its a class website, deserves commendation.
These examples are forgetting the fact that the BBC produce Soaps, Sporting events and children entertainment all day long. Go abroad and watch TV there. Other Channels (AND COUNTRIES) are envious of a national non-state controlled channel.

Its well worth it. Watch it. Dont dispute the TV license - or we'll all be watching more Advertisments than TV programs like in the States. When its gone - its gone.

Love, me.

xxx

So what's this New Year thing about?

2005-01-01T02:53:00.000Z

Hey all,

Just got back from Ben and Mike's New Year Party...had a pretty cool time - hilarious watching the drunks, missed Nish for the majority of the night. :(

Made sure we took some good photos of us four. Thinking about it, I should have got pictures of Ben, Myles and I. I'll make sure I get plenty in the coming months.

Well, people seem to say that a new year brings new hope and properity and all that crap. I think if the person is committed to change in any way shape or form, the New Year will make a difference. Otherwise, it's just another scam for the pubs, clubs and alcohol producers.

Sad really - its such a load on the emergency services. I think drinking should be stopped at 23:00. Meh. Was nice to have the 2minutes silence for the people suffering in Asia. I Love the BBC. Keep it...you dont know what you've got till its gone.

Happy New Year guys,

Firas

xxx

To find what is Yours...

2004-12-27T01:26:00.000Z

Hey all,

Its pretty late (01:30) on Sunday night. Just got back from watching one of the best films out - The Return of the King. Absolutely class.

One thing did come into my mind - are we all destined to find Love like that on the Big Screen? Will you and I meet somebody special to love for a lifetime?

Men (and the women) in that film have Honour and Respect. These things I find are lacking a great deal in Society. Where is the Honour in attaking a Police Officer? Where is the Respect in attacking those because of thier Race or Ethnic background?

What good is to be had in disallowing a Father access to his children. I have thought about these issues somewhat, and find failures in Society to blame. Fathers For Justice - a group that gets my support. ANY charity helping those in less fortunate circumstances - a blessing to those in need.

At a time where the population spends Millions (possibly Billions) on tacky and useless gifts, shouldn't we think about those outside of our normal reach? Any one seen a film called 'Pay it Forward'? Rent it from Blockbusters. Its good and significant.

One last thought before I rest.

Can anyone tell me if 'Kiss me Kate' is a Shakespearean play or not? Saw a brief snippit on BBC, interested in reading it, I do like my Shakespeare.

Good night, may God bless.

Lack of belonging

2004-12-24T20:09:00.000Z

Hmmm

Went out last night, had a great time. All the usual faces + ones that have come back from Uni. Real good to see them, especially Peter Hambridge.

On a change of note - not thinking I'm gonna find a proper girl for a while. Well, for a start I dont think I'm looking in the right places. Heh - in Nish's drunken state he called Kate to prank - except our standards slipped and we gave ourselves away. He then carried on chatting - he told me she has a new Boyfriend. Cool. Must admit felt a bit funny about it all, but in fairness I've seen a number of girls since too.

Meh

Yeah, at times I feel I'm in a world of my own - others always pointing out im different in many ways. Fair play. I am, but I think I'm somone who loves it. Sticking out from the crowd. Just hope I find a girl who is the 'perfect fit'

when u think life's complicated enough - it takes you a 'notch' lower.

Have a good Christmas all.

Firas

The lazy weekend

2004-12-19T23:33:00.000Z

Got up mid morning yesterday. felt great. in my warm cozy bed - e-maling friends and chilling. The only thing that could have topped that was a 15" PowerBook with an episode of Buffy or Friends playing.

Have noticed something about myself recently that i dont like. I am someone who always volunteers to help out - or get something for someone. So when I'm busy at work - and iv said il do somethig, i really feel bad, when i forget or just dont do it. Its happened a lot over the last few months:

Sayf's PC
Emil's Access Point
Dad's optition thing
Get car serviced
Call girl to arrange date

The list goes on and on. Some I have done - others need doing. I hope i can catch up over christmas. PowerMac seriously needed here. need to get it all sorted - i dont like breaking promises.

Seeya soon,

F

For one.

2004-12-16T22:39:00.000Z

Just got back from watching a film with Nish & Mike. American History X. Great film. A film that makes you think.

Very emotional at the end, I pictured myself in the bigger brother's position as he held his younger brother dying in his arms. The thought of me holding Sayf like that brought me to tears in an instant.

I love you Sayf. Anything you need Anytime, I'm here.

F

Still not happy

2004-12-12T22:12:00.000Z

Sorry for the lack of blogging ppl, been a hectice weekend!

Went to Liecester for Emil's 21st. Had a class time. VERY good to be with Ben and Myles. They are afterall two of my best mates - had we just sat in front of the TV it was bound to be a classic weekend!

Instead - we celebrated another of my best friends' 21st's. What a weekend! Emil got wasted - and apparently spiked his Spanish girlfriend's drink - but dont think Emil has it in him to do it - let alone when he's pissed! I actually blame Ben - who in fact drank a vast quantity of alcohol - even enough to put Kate to shame. I'm proud Ben! :)

My body still seems to want to remind me that I'm getting old - my back was aching throughout the whole journey, and my knee seems to have got worse, no idea why. I'd like to play basketball at the hoop nearby - but the weather and my knee seem to be holding me back.

Can't wait, the next few weeks are bound to be great! Get paid on Wednesday - not that I'm going to spend any of it, I'm officially starting to save for the Apple G5. I'm getting the cash in the account first, then putting the balance on a credit card with no interest for a year. sweet huh?

what else to mention - went to Watford today and was guilty of doing something a number of you out there wouldn't like (well Alex didnt like it) as to whether I'm going to put it up here or not, is another matter. [boots]

As the title of the blog suggests, things are not exactly 100%. Should be meeting with another girl this week, pulled her in Batch on thurs....yet to find out what she's like, hope she dont lie like girl C. So that makes it a grand total of about 7 girls in the same number of weeks - and none have seriously taken my fancy. Should I have made more of an effort with Kate? Must admit - have been thinking about her over the weekend, not sure why.

We'll find out what girl D has to offer, maybe I should start numbering them - this is getting confusing! Plan to go to Oxford Street this coming weekend, must promise myself NOT to take the bank cards with me. Saving for my baby afterall!

Have a good one folks,

Firas

"umm..."

2004-12-08T22:51:00.000Z

"...you and I cannot be friends."

She stared as me, blank look on her face, obviously bewildered.

"You're a girl you see, and I don't 'friends' with girls, can't trust them you see."

Mouth wide open.

This was me about 6months back with girl 'Y'. LOL. She made me laugh sometimes, and I still get the jokes now about playing Badminton with her mum for about 3months after we broke up. LOL

Yeah, this friendship thing puts me onto my next bunch of ideas. Friends mean a great deal to me. I attempt to treat them in a way I expect to be treated. Sadly, I never get anywhere near as much back as I give - and its the few who suprise me that become close with me.

I'm someone who passes judgement on people very early on. First impressions really do count. Often people tell me that its a weakness - I tend to think of it as a tool. A gut feeling about someone. When a girl comes over to me (and my first reaction is "what a slag") I tend not to forget about it even after she tells me how much of a descent girl she is, and how she's gonnna get better A-Level grades than I (not hard i grant you)

which is why I guess I thought so highly of Kate. She struck me as an individual who was honest and true. I happen to think my judge of character is quite good, but i have to admit - its been wrong on some occasions - for which I have paid a heavy penalty.

So, I value my friends - big time. They are rewarded for being there for me. As the closest of you know, I rely on my friends when the "manure hits the air-conditioning system." Which is why I keep in contact with about 10 of my school friends and about 10 or so best friends from 'out there'.

Following on - girls i simply dont do. sure i go to the cinema with them, chill over coffee sometime or if they're lucky sleep with them, but do i trust them half as much as i do guys? Fuck No.

I ain't gay or anything, but I really think the human race would be a great deal more advanced if women were just there to make babies. Women are a distraction. A nice distraction dont get me wrong, but the ones ive met are just a waste of time. In terms of spending any great amount of time with, the girls i know aren't worth my time. Am i being big-headed? not yet, wait till u read the next line.....

I'm just too good for the vast majority of them out there.

(Hows that for blowing your own trumpet)

Pure example - I go out on the 'pull' and I meet girl A. (she's the one i met the week before last) Soon after kissing her, she goes to the bar and comes back with a drink and apologises. Having read her body language, it was clear she was all over the place. She apologised and said she wasn't telling the truth about her age. crap.

Girls lie. At times i think they're a parasite. walking around bars, clubs, even at work waiting for thier next unsuspecting victim, the next guy to ride - to buy drinks for...maybe even worse...

And why do we continue to buy them drinks (im guilty of this) and 'chat'?

This il have to ponder overnight.

Nish wants me out tomorrow night. I wanna find a girl. yet to figure out what type. My mood at the moment means there are two types:

- independant girl, looking for a good looking guy to pull or get laid that night
- nice girl, little inside herself, generally looking for long-term relationship, or to meet Mr. Nice Guy.

I think il try and find myself a girl of the first type, i think i need to get it out of my system before trying for a girl of the latter type...

xxx

Blood

2004-12-07T21:06:00.000Z

The National Blood Service has been sending me letters for the past few weeks reminding me to hurry up and give them some blood. Of course they ask me in a nicer manner - but it feels like I've turned into one of thier blood factories. So people beware - if you dont carry any kind of STD's (or STI to be pollitically correct) dont sign up to the NBS!!

LOL

so I'm here, with my three failing computers. Need Chris to download Fedora Core 1 for me. Redhat 9 on this machine rather slow - using FireFox is quite tiresome - I blame the junk thats put on here - Fedora and redhat are the only distro I know of that runs X fine on this machine. I need an Apple PowerMac!

Sorry for the techincal blog - I smply feel techinical today. I'll get all moody on you all now!

As I follow the path that life takes me along - and I see parts of me from my past in other people in the present time. If that makes any sense whatsoever; I never thought I'd see that. I see weaknesses in other people that I can relate to - or suffered from myself in the past. This presents me with a problem - do I approach these people and tell them how I overcame the issue? or do I let them find out for themself - i.e. the way I had to do (in the majority of the the things I'm thinking about anyway)

There's my psychological theme for tonight's blog - hope ur impressed!

Now for that PPoE and the transfer of the FC1.iso by FTP over my WLAN here at 192.168.1.5

g'nite folks!

xxx

Leeds satisfying my Needs

2004-12-06T13:58:00.000Z

Hey all,

I had written a blog whilst in Leeds, but thanks to Alex's crappy computer - i lost it while i tried to re-connect into her uni internet.

So, had a wicked weekend, the girls there were great - her flat mates were really rather attractive, most pleasant spending an evening with them! Leeds town centre was a good laugh - great nightlife, people weren't so friendly....but thats to be expected, the weather up there is a great deal worse!!

im at work at the mo, just using 5mins of my lunch - will run to the car to power nap (or take a winnie the poo) for 45 mins! :)

xxx

Not enough time in Life

2004-12-02T23:14:00.000Z

Hey all,

Sorry for not blogging sooner, but I have been a busy bee for quite a while.....

Health-wise, my body has been kinda screwed. My back, my neck and for some strange reason, the back of my knee has been playing up a great deal. Today, I did something about it all after about 3weeks. I went to get some Accupuncture done. IT WORKS A CHARM! Instant pain relief! Go and get it done people!

Other bits of my life - hmmmm, work at 3Com has been great fun. Been plenty to get on with, which is nice, we have a unit which ran at about 104 degrees C!! This was a slight problem which required a teleconference to Taiwan to sort out. I think the porblems have now been ironed out - all good fun!

hmmmm, what else? Girls wise - LOL, been a bit busy on that front too - here goes. Met girl A before Amercia. Went to America, girl A seemed to have forgotten me. Fair enough. Met Girl B soon after my return to UK. Turns out, Girl B knows Girl A, and is worried that Girl A still likes me/i like her. Meanwhile, Girl C seems to be looking at me funny, and I think she still fancies me. Collegues at work want me to date Girl A and C at the same time....

Girls are easy to get. Simple Dimple. Good ones however are hard to find, and often stay attatched to thier first loves....dont yet apply to me yet, need to find myself a Girl D i think. My head is confused with all these girls. :( as for my heart....lets just not go there

Thinking of going back to the USA. I loved it. New York next January or February, not flying with BA for shit. Guys, the pound makes $1.93.....thats an exchange-rate thats too hard not to take advantage of!!!

The Incredibles was good fun, took girl B to see it. Still think about Girl Z every now and then. Wonder if Girl Y's mum still plays badminton.....might text girl Y sometime.....

Message of the day, Life is too short to let it go to waste. Everyday, we're getting closer to that fucking grave. Live Life.

Laterz

xxx

zzzzzzzz

2004-11-22T23:43:00.000Z

Lack of sleep is doing my head in.

The pain on the side of body is doing my head in.

Need food, might blog again later, sorry about the useless post.

xxx

Strawberry? Banana? Apple!

2004-11-21T01:40:00.000Z

Howdy folks,

well, the last two days have been quite entertaining.....soon after work on Firday night, sayf and i went down to Regents street to camp outside the new Apple Store. What a great evening. Had a fantastic time. met loads of great people - some from quite far away, and ended up being the 150th or so customer, pretty sweet!

only slept about 3 hours, so when we finally got home we were smashed!

il try and get some photos online asap.

Firas

xxx

Perfection?

2004-11-18T23:54:00.000Z

Hey all...

Today I sent Kate what I think may be the last e-mail, it was one of the sunset pictures and it simply said that I wished she were there to have enjoyed it with me.

I did think about her a lot during the 'vacances' and, errrrrr. I dunno really. Mixed.

Oh, I have seriosuly reduced the quality of the pictures that go online - if any of you would like a proper 2.5MB JPEG, all you have to do is ask (and have over 2.5MB spaced free in your inbox)

Wish you all the very best,

Night,

F

xxx

Back - sadly.

2004-11-17T23:07:00.000Z

Well what can I say?

Just didn't want to leave. Ask Dan, or Loic. I'm so envious of Dan and the other exchange students on the program.

Why?

Great weather
Great girls
Great food
Great prices for everything
Great people
Great Country.

Never thought I'd feel this way towards America after visitng it for a week and a bit, but I love it to bits - and just wanna go back now. The flight back was quite funny. Uncomfortable again, but funny.

One last way to kick me in the teeth and send me off, the finest looking blonde (about 19) sat in front of me. What was a guy like me to do? Talk about (now officially named) the Road Trip of Love and show her the pictures on my penis extension - the iPod colour. hehehe.

It worked. Even the cute air-hostess was impressed. I had all the surrounding people i.e. 12 people looking at the pictures on this iPod. Not only does it play music - but it gets u e-mail addresses of fine-arse looking girls.

well worth £256!

Back to the lesson at hand. Praying Dan would have me back sometime in May. Hope it dont get too hot, I would seriously do it all over again - I miss it and the people I met already.

Dan was a star. He didnt go to a single lecture during that week, and i seriously appreciated it. He was (as Kate would say) legendary. I had a great time, and had him to thank for it. I will hold those memories very close to me, because i dont think that digital cameras or web-blogs can ever get the spirit of a trip like that.

Thank-you so much Daniel J. Kewley.

Nothing missing but a girl...

2004-11-15T19:34:00.000Z

I seriously love this shot. Last night was just perfect. The last 4 days have seriously been heaven. The views here have seriously left me speachless. I'll post more when I get home. Love you all.

Hey Cowgirls!!!

2004-11-10T01:32:00.000Z

Howdy partners!

As fortold to my blogging pal Christine (bubbag.blogspot.com) online craps are the biz. There is nothing quite like taking a dump and buying a CD at the same time. I worry myself at times cos I know the full details of my credit card by heart [im not stupid enough to take a dump AND carry my credit card at the same time....come on!]

LOL

yea, moving swiftly along, I must be careful, there are only a selected few who have been given the address to this blog, it needs to stay selected - cos these are the people who KNOW me. Others would simply read this and think - 'Jesus, ain't talking to him again!'

So, back to the point in hand. America. The Cars are HUGE. The Malls are HUGE and the people working there are SOOOOO friendly. I was expecting them to be annoyingly friendly. But they know the limit - and they know when to simply walk away. It simply takes eye contact to get the attention of staff, and they are only too happy to help, really, its like as if they become seriously happy when they help u out. I like that. I like this Country. I like the exchange rate the most.

Lets rewind a bit - last night was amazing. Was expecting a quiet Monday night. No such luck. Like a Monday night in Guildford or Watford. Amazing. Girls to die for. Good music. No attitude. people very laid back. The guys making little effort in terms of dress, the girls looking stunning.

One thing i did notice - was the fact that because of the high drinking age thing, the variety in the age of these 'cool hang-outs' was quite diverse. Not a bad thing mind you. We'll be going out tonight again, a student thing i gather. Should be a laugh.

Today we went and had an outside brekkie. You seen the film Pulp Fiction? Course you have. Well u remember the cafe place where the raid takes place? "Keep it cool hunny-bunny!!" yeah? I wanted to do that for breakfast. Pancakes and endless coffee. class. Maple syrup. class. Thats what we had for breakfast today. hmmmmmm

We then drove to Dan's uni. OH MY GOD. The nearest thing i can think of to describe the SHEER SCALE of the uni is like a town the size of St. Albans. There are 60 thousand students. At least 20 thousand staff. That alone makes a huge campus, let alone Phoenix.

Stunning girls, 3 Starbucks, 7-8 book stores, about 25 different places to eat (from Burger king to the many taco places, salad bars, sandwhich things and even steak restaurant in the campus. Its collosal. Out of this world. just think the biggest uni u've been to, and multiply it by 12.

Bought an iPod photo from the computer store there. :) saved me about £120. Like i said, i love the US student discount AND the exchange rate. Did i mention I'm having the time of my life?

This was closely followed by a shopping extravaganza. The credit card melted. :) To have been expected. Nish and Mike often call me the shopping queen. And i shopped today. :)

To be continued...

2004-11-09T15:49:00.000Z

This is one of the best friends a guy could possibly have!

Arizona Rocking my World!

2004-11-09T02:08:00.000Z

Hey all!

After a 10-hour flight, (which was an arse) i am here. The airport was a mess, dont let amaricans design the airports!

As expected - i was screwed by the airport security. I must have been the only person to have been asked for proof of return to London. NOBODY else was asked.

I knew from that point i was in for an anal examination by further staff - no lube allowed!

On came the rubber gloves, and the suitcases were opened. Felt strangely abused. but it was expected. i had nothing to hide - and it was proven.

Well, we're off to the supermarket soon, then some bars. The English accent will apparently do wonders.....Dan has said he'd be pretty pissed if i left Arizona with my Virginity......we'll see!!

Hope all is well, il be in touch again soon!!

xxx

London, baby, London!!

2004-11-06T10:25:00.000Z

Told you I would need to write a post following last night's activites - and here it is. I decided a leisurely walk along the River Thames would be a nice place to chill.

It was. But it brough back some memories that hit home. Turns out the walk was actually a bad idea, cos I didn't stop thinking about Kate. I wish I hadn't gone now - poor Chris had to put up with me saying "she promised to take me around the Tate Modern, its just there look" and, "God, look at the stars, aren't they beautiful? Thats how her and I met you know......"

Yeah, possibly not a good idea walking along the Thames, but I did it and had a good (but at times emotional) time. What can I do? People think I should try with her over the Christmas period, but I'm not sure. Dont wanna go through this again when she starts her new term in January. :(

xxx

Gunpowder, treason & plot...

2004-11-05T18:49:00.001Z

Hey all,

just woke up from an awful nap. stop stupid people thought it would be a good idea to blow thier money on gunpowder and burnig it all - and waking me up every 5seconds.....not cool.

Cool day at work. worked bout 95% of it, the rest was spent in the pub with Chris and a few PQE guys, cool fellas - i like them!

As for the scarey picture - dont worry, im not that ugly really, its just a bad angle - honest!! I'll have to post some 'better' pictures of me....need to proove a point after that one!!

no plans for tonight, might head down to the Engineers' place, we'll see.......i see another post waiting in the wings!

Night all, remember, remember the 5th of Novmember!!

xxx

2004-11-04T20:15:00.000Z

This is a happy - but messy and hairy me!

Apologies to all

2004-11-04T13:44:00.000Z

First off, I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while - been a bit hectic! BUT im here now!! (as promised, hint hint Christine)

so what have i been up to? Work, work & work. They seem to want to run me to the ground before I go off on holiday, which i fair enough i guess.....but its been mad - i kinda get what Kate's life's like, and I dont like it.

I sat back this morning in one of my 3 meetings today and thought, crap, aint watched a second of TV on months. I dont get the time to sit on my own and reflect (which what i do fromt ime to time)

I think thats been a good thing in terms of moving on from Kate. I still miss her a great deal, and i think about her a number of times a day - but the chain of thought is a far 'healthier' one. :)

As for Las Vegas and the grand US of A, Im quite happy Bush won. He didnt do THAT bad a job, i just hope he will clear up Iraq in the future and not leave it like a mess....

But thats enough politics, went to see Rosy last night, got a HUGE KFC bucket, and plan on poloshing it off later on this afternoon....hmmmmmm!! I picked up his digital camera (which is seriously sweet guys) and will have some pics up online hopefully tonight!!

*Watch this space Christine!!

Nish the bast@rd cancelled on me tonight, we were supposed to go to St. Albans tonight, but he's working in BArnet somewhere....what can ya do?

Gorgeous day - hope its like this in Pheonix, talking of which, i looked on the BBC map, Pheonix is in tthe south west - i though it was mor north, maybe a drive to Cally isn't a bad idea afterall!!!

Bruv, its all happening in the West Coast!!!

Sayf - be good, i have plans for you!!

xxx

Not a night I expected

2004-10-30T10:41:00.000+01:00

So at 00:06 on Firday morning, there I am in bed with the laptop chatting away to Mr. Kewley. I suddenly realised that Friday 29th woulda been our 2month. :(

You know the feeling in your stomach just before you break down. It came as sudden as the realisation of the significance of that day. not fun.

Kept it all in, and continued with Dan, he knew something was up - told him i was just getting tired and that i just needed some sleep. Soon after I signed off and slept. Not a comfortable night's sleep.

LOL, but what did cheer me up was a pretty good day at work, Ian, my manager worked with me solid with the project i was based on and we did quite well - though not enough for me NOT to have to go in this weekend. BOTH DAYS

meh. On my way out of work at about quarter to 6, i noticed a missed call and a text. It was Roya. A stunning Iranian girl who I had met in St. Albans a number of times, but had only loosely been introduced. :) She had wanted to do something and called me up. I said I hardly knew her and that i thought it'd be great! (wierd I know)

To cut a long story short, I spent what would have been my 2month with my ex - with the mother of my future kids. And thats certainly no lie. Some real mixed feelings about all that......still such is life. You take whats dealt to you, but when you try and hold on to those cards, you're girlfriend finds she's simply too busy to put you in her life.

Shame that. I still miss u babe. xxx

Slowly, slowly

2004-10-28T13:06:00.000+01:00

:|

At work waiting for a unit to chill to 0°C. Accidently left a flap open on the HALT chamber and it started releasing 100% nitrogen gas into the room.

he he he

ooops. hey, I'm an intern we make mistakes!

so ya. sent Kate an e-mail last night. wanted to make sure she knew i was still thinking about her. at times i envy how busy she is, she wouldnt have the time to think about it all. but then i realise that it was her lack of time that made us slowly drift apart. :(

anyway, kewers sent me mail today, really put me in a very good mood. this USA trip should be a laugh.....honestly cannot wait! he's already told the girls that im now single and has organised some kinda thing with the cheerleading squad for the Football team! have to admit, i am feeling quite reserved in that sense.

running short on time, so il leave you with this thought. SFP failures have nothing to do with the Ambient conditions, but in my case with the x4 1Gb 850nm NetCom SMB 2000.

FireArse

It was great while it lasted :(

2004-10-23T23:58:00.000+01:00

So it happened.

Had the talk. My fears soon surfaced.

I always knew she barely had the time to study, let alone have a boyfriend. Her rowing (in a boat) meant more to her than her studies. Her 'Bops' (Cambridge Nites out) meant more to her than everything else.

Another relationship always came to mind whenever I saw or met Kate. That broke down because one of the couple simply didnt have the time for the partner and the relationship. It applied here too. It gave me a thicker skin, and deep down I knew from my first Cambridge visit.

Was I a part of her life? Hell no. Did I want to be? Absolutely, more than anything else.

I asked her while she was lying in bed whether she still wanted the relationship.

She said yes, but as soon as there was a second of hesitation, I knew. I decided to go. 2 of her friends came in and were chatting. I could see it in her face she was hurting. I put a mask on and tried to act fine. I hadn't met them before, so i thought they wouldnt be able to figure out i wasn't 'right'

dont think Kate nor i convinced them

soon after they left, i left. both of us upset. wasn't any point in staying any longer. was there?

God i miss you babe. why do i do this to myself? Will I see you again? yes. Would there be any chance of it being like before? I think that one's for you to decide.

I sure as hell know how to pick 'em, eh?

3Com nights out

2004-10-22T22:48:00.000+01:00

Hey-hey!

Went out last nite, (good old Batch does it again!) Had a fantastic time!! I'm sure i was suffering from withdrawall symptoms from not going out....

Casa, dead. The Bell, idiots singing badly. The Vintry, full of attitude. Shoulda just gone into The CrossKeys instead.....

Batch started off dead. But at about half ten, it picked up outta nowhere!! The 3Com guys were lashed. It was great! Good company, good atmosphere, but lacking one thing, the Girlfriend.

What can ya do? Plan to see her a number of times before i go to the States, so we're making up for that :)

This weekend should prove pretty interesting..... :)

il post sometime soon...

x

Never knew food was that good....

2004-10-18T20:38:00.000+01:00

So there I am, sitting at my desk. With thoughts of everything apart from work going through my head.

Why? Because the hunger had taken over my thought process from 11AM. What a bitch. Normally, after 4/5 days of Fasting, the body understands whats going on and gets used to not eating. The metabolic rate seems to slow (for me anyway) and my usual life caries on. But oh no, not this year.....I'm easily agitated and I get all moody at times.

This doesn't help cos I get moody for the tiniest of reasons of late. But eh.

So my hunger hasn't sorted itself out yet. Hope it does within the next few days. This is getting rediculous. The throat is promising to make a swelling comeback....not promising for my trip to the States....I WILL be fine for that trip. I will go to the States with all sorts of Anti-biotics and pain relief....

The excitement of this trip is wiping me out already.

Dan told me about the possible things he has up his sleeve for his trip. Night-flights over cities, hiring cars for road-trips & watching the sun set over the Grand Canyon. Isn't that enough to make anyone melt? And I'm going in less that 20days. :)

(Did i forget Vegas?!) :)

I loved Ben's reaction; "Why is it the non-drinking, non-gambling Muslim gets to go to Vegas DURING RAMADAN and i have to sit here in Leciester and do my final year?!"

I quite like that dude :)

Looking forward to seeing KAte on Saturday. At least i think it was Saturday, will have to check with her when if I get the time tomorrow.

Guess thats enough for now. Just found out how to post pics on these blogs, so beware!

Firas

The first step

2004-10-09T12:48:00.000+01:00

So, hey.

I'm new to this thing. Not sure what it about axactly, have a few rough ideas. Trying this first post to see what happens really.

So its like an online diary then huh? Well, I'm looking forward to seeing my Bro again, he's hopefully coming back from uni today for a visit :)

What else is on my mind......my girlfriend, Kate :)

The building work @home is quite annoying, but eh :(

and this Blogging thing...... :)

BFN