not nice

I'm not a fan of Christmas

I'm not a fan of Easter

I'm not a fan of Valentine's day.

Sadly I have quite a cynical view of these things. These are simply money-making opportunities. Guys use them to impress the girlies. Girlies get material objects from them. Im not against the background to these times - just the fact that its forced upon you to BUY smething. If you dont (especially in Christmas) you'd look like a fool unless you had a good reason like Religion. Celebrate these times with the ones you love. Dont spend an awful lot on them.

Prime example. A friend spent £95 on dinner in London/ I mean what the fuck. £45 a head? jesus fucking christ. were they eating with Prince Charles? Jesus. (Many congrats to him BTW)

As for Valentine's day. First time in 3years I haven't had anyone to give anything to. Just goes to show how badly im doing at this point. I get offered sex - but it isn't what I want. Guys would love to be in position. People say im going to regret the decisions Iv made in the past. I happen to think not. Want to find someone I deeply care about.

I want to just sit in a chair or bed, and lay my head on a girls chest to hear her heartbeat. To feel the warmth off her. To touch her. To make her smile. Sex aint what im after.

So thats what I miss. What I long for. When I get it - I hope never to take it for granted. Until that day, il keep looking eh? My Birthday on Thursday. Not too much motivation for it all.

Sudenly feeling quite cold and left in the open.

Need a holiday. Work is a little slow and tiresome. Its actually quite de-motivating. At 15:00 i seem to hit a brick wall and have to drag it to 17:00. HItting the protien and salads - reducing Carb input. Hit the gym 3times in 5days. I'm quite impressed. Need more of a six-pack and some biceps. Need to see doctor to sort out spots on my back.

Did I say I needed a holiday?
When is the next student loan cheque due?
Think I wanna go through a round of saving quite a bit now.
Car needs a clean inside and out this weeked - hope the weather holds.
Need to sort out room - bit messy. Need to hang up the Pictures I bought. Might order a new desk from Ikea.
Im quite happy I started this blog. I hope it will remind me that I didnt just 'work' through this year.

One of my collegues is leaving soon. Its awfully sad. I can't imagine what it would be like without him. Probably very quiet. Really dont want him to go. He adds balance to the atmosphere. He's been a pillar of support that my manager can only dream of being IF he wasn't as lazy as he is. Jesus.

Need to find that fucking Office 2K3 disc.

Sayf will be coming back on Thurs for my Birthday. Should be good. It'd be good to have him back. I love how he comes back as often as he does. Id miss him a great deal otherwise. Makes things a great deal better. I still miss him. To this day, I cannot understand the current 18-19 year old thoughts of:

'Can't wait to leave home into uni - I just wanna get out of my parents house'

Fucking idiots. 'I wanna live just far away from my parents, like 4 hours drive'. Jesus fucking Christ. These are the people who brought you up for 18years. This is the love you show them? Fuck that.

I need a girl.