Still can't get her out of my mind

For Fuck Sake.

I often convince myself that I'm driven to occupy my time - so that I have less time to think about her.

This is getting obsessive, and I simply don't like it. It's scary; when I do get a moment to myself - I look back. And the only thing that goes through that fucked up head of mine is the good side of the relationship.

What made me really uncomfortable was the fact that I shed tears in public last weekend about it all.

I mean what a fucking sap I've become.

People say you only know the true meaning of something - when its gone. Except what really fucks me up, is the fact that I pushed her away.

I've gone and done something I promised myself I wouldn't do; I promised myself I wouldn't do a 'Myles'.

Train woes

I'm sat on the train. Figured that since I hadn't blogged in a while,
ill do it on the train. Sounds like I'm being extremely lazy, but
really my mind has been elsewhere.

The training at the new job has been deep and tiring. However its
obvious how thorough it is. The exam marks for the Certifications are
well over 80% across the board. Good trainer, good students too.

Life has been hectic.

But as the certain ex once said, 'Firas, you wouldn't like it any
other way' and you know what, she's right. She wasn't often wrong.

Yes I do still think about her.

I went on two dates with a girl I a met in St. Albans. Perhaps I'm
expecting too much, but I knew pretty soon after we met things weren't
going to happen. I'm not one to take advantage of the position I found
myself in. Perhaps Ben is right, perhaps will regret me wasting these
months walllowing over Caroline.

But.

I simply haven't met anyone who's made me feel that way. And without
that, I won't put the effort required to crack on with the
relationship.

Still, everything else in my life is spot on. Cannot otherwise
complain. Although I could do with some sun this october.

Live long, and don't die of skin cancer. 'If there's one bit of advice
I can give you, use sunscreen'

x