Oh my...

Over a year without blogging huh...

Currently in Sweden visiting a friend, using his Swedish keyboard...no idea how some of these keyboard mappings work out.

Watching a movie.

Over a year huh...Oh my God.

F

So nearly there...

...went to look at the flat today with Dad, who seemed to think quite positively on things. He likes the location - and thinks its quite nice, albeit small (or in marketing talk, cosy!)

The world around us here is crumbling apart. Stabbings, murders on motorways and teens kicking the shit out of normal people like you and I. What the fuck is going on around us? I swear to God there's just a total lack of respect.

I sat and watched possibly the most incredible 15 minutes of BBC 1. A program on people near to death - one guy had 4 heart attacks and still survived. They put a metal spring in his artery to ensure blockages don't occur again. It brought back home how fragile life is, and how a great number of people take it for granted (myself included)

Our time on this planet is very short-lived. I just don't want to begin regretting things. I need to get healthier and fitter, but it's my parents who need it more. I simply don't know what I'd do without them. I love them to pieces.

On the news at the moment is the letter of a 12yr old girl to her dying dad in hospital. She begs him to fight through his injuries - sustained in a violent attack from youths. What the fuck is going on?

Bring back the death penalty. Strike fear into the hearts of those who commit crime, and empty some of these fucking jails.

Turning a new leaf

So I was browsing through a friend's Facebook a few days back, and I saw a picture of her. At first I got that awful feeling in my stomach, but it got better again. Surprisingly better. And now, we're definately moving in the right direction. Things seem to fit back into place in that weird head of mine, and the lack of focaus I had before is no longer there.

Time will tell how things progress I guess.

Hmmm, what else to report on? There is some movement on buying a flat now - I now technically have 3 jobs, all helping me get the mortgage of my dreams. Which in turns is helping me get the flat to help me contiue dreaming. I'd like never to need to seel this flat - as it could be a sort of second income, alongside my role (s) so we'll see.

MSc time. TfL have decided they wanted to sponsor me to continue my studies to get an MSc. This is to allow me to become chartered. The idea being I can then be a bigger asset to TfL.

The staff at Apple surprise me. They are from all sorts of backgrounds. And when I say all sorts, I mean it. Audiophiles, performers, PhD students and even a Russian with a craving to teach at university level. It all makes for some varied conversations in the Genius Room. You never quite know what your next conversation is going to be about - normally its homosexuality or cars or some hot chicks iPhoto album!

It makes the time fly by! Hmmmm iPhone.

As for girlies - Imperial girl isn't back from her visit to the Med. Will ask her out for a few drinks at some point. I dont have enough hours in the day, but I really like her, and I need to get some sort of an answer.

Will re-read 'The Game' cos I have turned into a worse AFC than before I met Caroline. I'm off to bed.

F

Still can't get her out of my mind

For Fuck Sake.

I often convince myself that I'm driven to occupy my time - so that I have less time to think about her.

This is getting obsessive, and I simply don't like it. It's scary; when I do get a moment to myself - I look back. And the only thing that goes through that fucked up head of mine is the good side of the relationship.

What made me really uncomfortable was the fact that I shed tears in public last weekend about it all.

I mean what a fucking sap I've become.

People say you only know the true meaning of something - when its gone. Except what really fucks me up, is the fact that I pushed her away.

I've gone and done something I promised myself I wouldn't do; I promised myself I wouldn't do a 'Myles'.

Train woes

I'm sat on the train. Figured that since I hadn't blogged in a while,
ill do it on the train. Sounds like I'm being extremely lazy, but
really my mind has been elsewhere.

The training at the new job has been deep and tiring. However its
obvious how thorough it is. The exam marks for the Certifications are
well over 80% across the board. Good trainer, good students too.

Life has been hectic.

But as the certain ex once said, 'Firas, you wouldn't like it any
other way' and you know what, she's right. She wasn't often wrong.

Yes I do still think about her.

I went on two dates with a girl I a met in St. Albans. Perhaps I'm
expecting too much, but I knew pretty soon after we met things weren't
going to happen. I'm not one to take advantage of the position I found
myself in. Perhaps Ben is right, perhaps will regret me wasting these
months walllowing over Caroline.

But.

I simply haven't met anyone who's made me feel that way. And without
that, I won't put the effort required to crack on with the
relationship.

Still, everything else in my life is spot on. Cannot otherwise
complain. Although I could do with some sun this october.

Live long, and don't die of skin cancer. 'If there's one bit of advice
I can give you, use sunscreen'

x

Greetings

Wow - been a while. Been quite busy don't you know...

Training for the second job has been pretty intense - but good fun. Interesting to learn all the ins and outs of the platform. Altogether quite nice :)

Noticed a little trend - I'm speding a great deal more time with girls. This is quite odd for those that know me, cos I'm usually not one to entrust those without a cock.

What's quite scary about this trend - both the girls are only children - like Caroline. Guess ruling them out through that has ina way helped me. Either way - interesting to get a little more feminine aware - especially with my relationship track record.

um - what else. TfL has been slow today - but it's my last day tomorrow for the deptartment I'm in, so I actually expected it. Think I'll install my .Mac and get that going. Don't fear - my bloggling shall remain here!

One thing thats on my mind, is there realisation that since Caroline, I have in a way closed myself off, pushed myself away from the social scene that once ruled my life. I attribute this to the fact that I didnt get a single second to myslef whilst with Caroline, and perhaps have enjoyed my own company. So much so, that I don't miss it.

I am aware that I might be turning more geeky. Perhaps I tell a lie - in some ways I do miss it - but life is all about balance - smoething Caroline wouldn't get even if it walked up to her in £600 YSL shoes.

Thats right - not a typo. Six Hundred Pounds.

Still working on flatbuying on FTBI. I applied to the Herts. Scheme tha'd allow me to buy the Watford flat. Need to advertise on TfL notice board for a 1 bedroom vacancy in Watford - free travel, only 16mins from Euston. I think I'd get someone to move in with me. A nice couple would be amazing. Perhaps a young quiet grad.

Time will tell.

Much Love,

x

Hair

Didnt get it cut afterall. Might let it get real long.

Looking forward to second job - though a friend has alerted me to the hard work it'll be. It'll be fun. I hope, at least I wont be on me feet all day. I want you all to come and support me!!

shoukd have played more Wii think weekend. Might fire it up in a sec. The extension is slowly coming together. I need to spend big money on furniture. perhapd £1k, but i hope it'll be less. Either way, my rooms will look the fucking dogs bollocks.

F